This Is My Bloodbowl - Poem by AaI Harvey
This is my Bloodbowl.
Thank you Games Workshop for giving us Bloodbowl;
I’ve played it all my life and I’ve completely re-written the rules.
It allows my imagination to run wild carrying a sword,
Attacking all sorts of creatures, whilst playing American Football.
It has magic, magic items and you may think it’s just for kids;
But without Bloodbowl,
I wouldn’t have imagined half of the things I did.
People need a release from the real world;
Mine is found on a football pitch in the game of Bloodbowl.
People cheat, steal and bribe referees and do almost anything.
If you give this game to you kid,
They could imagine the impossible
And some day maybe write random poetry like me! He, he.
…And now down to the pitch to see the kickoff! ...
The humans line up against the bad boy orcs;
The dwarfs and elves are in support.
Chaos lords and chaos spawn (twisted creatures):
Rain down pain and death on the undead and the living.
The undead walk slowly, the goblins flee!
Rat Ogres and trolls are invading the pitch!
The referee blows his whistle to send the giant off;
The deadly dark elf chops the referee’s up with chainsaws;
Or use swords and axes, grenades and clubs.
They are all fighting to win the B.B.C. cup.
The Blood Bowl Championship,
It’s like the NFL Superbowl trophy;
I’ve made leagues and cups
And every single thing possible, just for fun.
The Official Bloodbowl Organization,
Try to make all weapons illegal, but oh no, no, no!
This is the sport of death!
This is Bloodbowl!
Use spells and magic items and cause suffering;
The tiny snotling is beaten by the little Halfling.
The balls in there somewhere, though nobody cares;
The Beastmen are just here to fight,
Whilst the gnomes laugh at the high elves hair.
Such pampered fools, in love with themselves;
Vanity and self-love? That must be the elves.
Here comes a chaos dwarf, driving a steam roller;
He flattens the Fimir and a vampire.
The zombies are clueless and one fumbles the ball;
Before he is decapitated, by the ‘Reikland Reavers’ Mighty Zug!
The ghoul’s are hungry for blood;
Here come the orks, the band of goffs.
Crazy ass gitz, just having a laugh;
Here are the sneaky Skaven to stab someone in the back.
Amazonian women are running around screaming,
Like the banshee’s and all sorts of demons.
The Sisters of Battle are from the future;
A bear charges at a Treeman and look! There’s a little Gnoblar.
Giant bats, giant snails, giant rats and giant eagles;
Giant leeches, giant frogs, giant spiders and giant scorpions;
The norse are Vikings, (ranked titles include kings) ,
There’s a termagaunt!
There are space marines and space wolf marines,
All armed with weapons.
The genestealer’s steal genes to make new creatures/weapons;
There are evil gnomes, evil ewoks, ewoks and evil Treemen.
Lesser demons fight lesser goblins and run from the Lictor!
The werebear’s and werewolves fight the wolves and Saurus.
The skinks fire poisoned blowpipes at the Large beasts & minions;
Chaos Halflings beat up camels, horses and Khemri.
Mummies climb out of their crypts to bring death to the mutants;
The slayers are here to bring down the mighty bone giants.
The noble Brettonians see Blue and Pink Horrors running around;
Tyranids, Tyranid warriors and tyrants send people underground.
Dead now in this game of Bloodbowl, the game of death!
Witch elves are being hunted by Witch Hunters;
There’s only three left.
To the right is a Zoat fighting a huge Yeti,
A chaos human rides a chaos horse, look out Goddess Betty.
Greater demons bring down Griffons and kill the monkeys;
The mushlings and snotrooms are simply fleeing and screaming.
Skeletons on skeletal horses, fight salamanders and satyrs;
Jabberwocks and Juggernauts,
Destroy hydra’s with the hydra’s own fire.
Chaos Warriors and Chaos human cowboys, slug it out with Gods;
Norse dwarves fight Nurgles rotter’s and nurgling’s fight ogres.
The slann were the originators of the game of Bloodbowl;
The Ushabti come from Khemri to fight the robotic Tau.
Vostroyan drunks are punking it out with Wood elves;
Oh my God! That troglodyte really does smell!
Warhounds race Gladehounds and cyborg’s fight cyboar’s;
Big cats include tigers and lions, so we must quickly carry on.
A carrion is an undead bird and they are bloody huge!
The imperial guard are like the rebels in Terminator;
They are human.
Kroxigor’s smash boney clubs & break Kroot’s predator-like heads;
Kislevites and Cowboy’s ride horses onto the pitch.
Night goblin’s and forest goblin’s steal from all including the Eldar.
They are elves of the future and like chaos space marines…
They have travelled far.
Every creature has come to take part in this game of football.
It’s American football with death included, it’s so much fun!
Harpy fly above Haradhrim as a Necron breaks his own jaw;
He fell over when dodging the claw of a tomb scorpion.
Thrall and Wights march to battle on the pitch against the living;
Undead champions are leaders of death
And the minotaur’s eat the dead.
Chimera and other daemonic beasts are really tough to kill, I see;
But that boar just exploded, thanks to the grenade…
Bye life, hello death; he, he.
Elementals are like Gods of earth, wind, water and fire,
Dragon ogres are going to kill anything that gets in their way!
Dreadnoughts are made to kill, there’s a wolf,
This undead one’s dire.
Dryad are small Treemen, there are some Elite Skaven
And ooh look there’s a funny little pygmy! Open fire!
Savage orcs fight sea elves as squig hopper’s bounce randomly,
Ungor’s are little Beastmen, but there are still quite deadly.
Manticores destroy lizardmen and there’s a blood-soaked cold one;
Bull centaur’s charge at black orc’s who are ganging up with a chaos champion.
Centaurs crash into carnosaur’s as Dark eldar fly down from their space ships;
Hobgoblins can’t be trusted; the thieving gits!
Orc leaders are warlords, bosses and big bosses too;
The Redemptionists are the priest from aliens 3 or aliens 2.
Whichever I can’t remember and haven’t got time to look;
Oh yeah let’s watch the game again and see who has got the ball.
Golem! (phlegm!) Golem! No; not that one!
These golems are Flesh golem’s and some are made of stone.
They are creature of magic and are here to smack heads;
And this is the end of the poem…
Dedicated to Games workshop (thank you) and the sport of death!
(C) 2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
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