What Was Really Me - Indigo Girls songs lyrics song lyric

"What Was Really Me" is an Emily Salier song from around 1987. The
version I'm transcribing is from Carboro, North Carolina, on 21 March
1988.
What Was Really Me.
I should have never crossed your path
Funny how the things you want the most
Should soon be taken back
Slap my own hands like a child
Stealing from the candy store
I think I've taken to your smile
And I hunger for your laugh
Do the craziest things like look around
When I know you're nowhere near me
Break my back on a song
Though I know you're not there to hear it
Unanswered questions lying on the coffee table
From a song I haven't finished since last summer
Because I never could decide how much was gin
And how much the sea
Or other incidentals clouding what was really me
Everything I am is bare feet and burning sand
Waiting for the calm cool hand of the sea
A madman of emotions waiting for the drug effect
Of the reason and the intellect to comfort me
Half the time I love you like I love the fall's first breeze
And then you seem as distant to me as the skeletons of trees
Far away outside my window
But inside I think of you
As if I thouht hard enough I'd know which way to turn
And what to do.
I'm quite sure I'll be alright
We all live with some distraction
It's just too bad mine will hang around
All day and night
Like an uninvited guest
You can't turn away, try hard as you might
Lord knows, I've tried
I might let it go and take a long long run
Quit my job and join the coastline baking in the sun
(My tape cuts off here.)