Kate Kate

I am scared of love. I don't want to get my heart broken from tropes from fairy tales. I can't handle being the second choice. I am afraid of opening my heart and losing them. I want to love someone badly but can't open my heart. I can't watch bittersweet movies. I don't want to go through the heartbreak of falling in with characters and seeing them not get the happy ending they deserve. I want to see them happy, I want to see them joyful, I want to see myself happy, I want to see myself optimistic. I Don't want my love life to end tragically. Why can't I love out of my comfort?
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Attention
I want Attention
I won't be seen
I'd like the world to see how I am
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I am a dreamer
I dream of a perfect life
A life with adventure
A life that is better than mine
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I don't know if it's real
I want to believe in love
I have convicted myself to think It Is real
if love is not real
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When a person you love is died
it's like they weren't in your life
a world you never imagined becomes your reality
And then you forget the simple stuff like their birthday
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My heart is broken
But it was not by a man, no
My heart was broken by a love story that wasn't even mine
I watched a tv show today and balled my eyes out
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The strange thing about memories is that they are not in chronological order. I recall events that took place, but they are scattered across multiple timelines and worlds. I feel like an outsider when I look back at my past self; I want to know who she is and what she has been through, and I want to put myself in her shoes, as I do with most strangers. It is like knowing every mistake someone will make, but not knowing what they will do next. I, like the past me, will cease to exist one day. I'm terrified of that day.
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I write because it makes me happy
I write because I want to be someone special
I write because I Do not want to be a shadow of Her
I write because it makes me forget that I don't know who
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So mysterious is the night
She has the beauty that no one sees
It gives her great joy to see life grow
Most hate and fear her
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So mysterious is the night
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Is it wrong that I am so in love with the idea of being in love?
The feeling of holding hands.
Their scent is the scent you want to smell for the rest of your life.
The fact of you knowing they love you and you love them forever.
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Doubt
I always doubt myself
I doubt if I am making the right decision
I doubt if I should be putting myself out there
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Is it my fault for getting attached to something I know won't last
I want it to last, I want more time with it.
I don't want to lose this, let go of it
I don't want to look back on memories
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Don't get attached is what I have to tell myself.
Because I can already see a future of me losing them
But I know I am going to forget about this
Forget about how much this means to me
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