Lisa AT

The pain cuts deep, deeper than a knife
My mind has been muddled for so long I don't know what's real
I lost my way and I'm forced to fake a smile through the strife
I'm ashamed of my life because its empty
...

I miss you
Every single day
You consume my every waking thought and my dreams
What can I say?
...

2 years have almost gone by filled with sorrow and pain
Never accepting the fact I won't see you again
I no longer have you in this human life
But I hope you're still there
...

As I walk through the dancing leaves on the cold deserted street
I feel the crunches under my feet
In a flash my childhood springs to mind
I look ahead, to the side and behind
...

My world was shattered, torn apart
All thats left is a broken heart
Nobody seems to understand my pain
This isn't living, it's a constant strain
...

Saying goodbye to the past
The ghosts that haunt me night and day
It's taken a decade to get here
But I'm finally ready to blow the cobwebs away
...

I sit here and wonder
Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display
The mother in me?
...

At first the thoughts are normal
Thinking about tomorrow
But soon they escalate to fear
Until I am drowning in my sorrow
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Poked and prodded, endless tests
I beg... Please no more, let me rest
Disease has ravished my body, giving me only one choice
I see the consultants mouth moving, but can no longer hear his voice
...

I had never thought about how I might die
I was too busy living my life
But when you face death in the eye
You realise that you are just a daughter, sister or wife
...

My precious girl...

There's something missing in my home
I feel it day and night
...

From deep I dig with no power to change what is...
From within I search for answers that are not there...
To heal what is undeniably broken...
To accept the fate
...

Does it come from within, or,
Is there a higher power that gifts it to you?
Is it faith? Hope? Believing?
Will I ever know?
...

What's that banging on the door?
Why am I lying on the floor?
Paramedics thumping hard shouting my name, but I can't move and I'm covered in bloodstains.
How long had I lain here, nothing is making sense? Why can't I feel my legs and why am I in a pool of vomit?
...

He was like background music in her head
Always there, never fading
Reminding her of the life she should have led
Being with her love and never trading
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To hold you even if it was just a little while
Made my heart sing and smile
We walked down memory lane where it all began
We talked and held hands under the morning sun
...

The dreadful day I got the call
It had me floored, against the wall
On my way to visit as I did every week
The voice on the line turned my body weak
...

You say I'm a stress and just a liar
Then you say I'm your hearts desire
You cause me pain with your cutting words
How can I trust you? It's just absurd
...

I toss and turn all through the night
I finally give in before its light
I rise slowly my legs like lead
Trying so hard to get out of bed
...

Christmas carols, Christmas trees
Tis the season, Christmas sneeze
Head is heavy, the cold is biting
Must finish the shopping, its getting exciting
...