Lauren Rooney

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In An Abyss I Exist

At night i fear the darkness,
and so i do not sleep.
By day i face the daylight,
and all i do is weep.
Sometimes i cannot take it
and i beg for it to end.
To stop disappointing everyone,
my family, my friends.

It's hard to be a let-down,
to feel like a waste of air,
to want to feel your worth something
and why someone would care.
You want the love thats placed on you,
to be worthy and deserved.
To know it's not conditional,
to know it's unreserved.

The pain i make me feel,
hurts more than any knife,
this pain i bring upon myself
that plagues my worthless life.
To be a disappointment
to my family, is worst....
to have them feel ashamed of me,
is my wretched lifelong curse.

I don' t know how to stop it
or how I'm meant to change,
i don't know how to be something else
worth something, without pain.
I cannot see the light or a tunnel ahead of me,
all i see, is the black abyss,
I have created and cannot leave.

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