Geniuses of countless nations
Have told their love for generations
Till all their memorable phrases
Are common as goldenrod or daisies.... more »
The grackle's voice is less than mellow,
His heart is black, his eye is yellow,
He bullies more attractive birds
With hoodlum deeds and vulgar words,... more »
When the thunder stalks the sky,
When tickle-footed walks the fly,
When shirt is wet and throat is dry,... more »
Now another day is breaking,
Sleep was sweet and so is waking.
Dear Lord, I promised you last night... more »
Barber, barber, come and get me;
Hairy torrents irk and fret me.
Hair and hair again appears;
And climbs like ivy round my ears.... more »
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?... more »
I sit in an office at 244 Madison Avenue
And say to myself You have a responsible job havenue?
Why then do you fritter away your time on this doggerel?
If you have a sore throat you can cure it by ...... more »
The solitary huntsman
No coat of pink doth wear,
But midnight black from cap to spur
Upon his midnight mare.... more »
In January everything freezes.
We have two children. Both are she'ses.
This is our January rule:
One girl in bed, and one in school.... more »
Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to
But there comes a day when your eyes
are all right but your arm isn't long... more »
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven lives;
In seven sacks,... more »
I sit in the dusk. I am all alone.
Enter a child and an ice-cream cone.
A parent is easily beguiled... more »
BANKERS TRUST AUTOMOBILE LOAN
You'll find a banker at Bankers Trust"
Advertisement in N.Y. Times... more »
How pleasant to sit on the beach,
On the beach, on the sand, in the sun,
With ocean galore within reach,
And nothing at all to be done!... more »
Who is the happy husband? Why, indeed,
'Tis he who's useless in the time of need;
Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet or a neckless,
Contrives to be utterly futile, fumbling, feckless,... more »
One way to be very happy is to be very rich
For then you can buy orchids by the quire and bacon by the flitch.
And yet at the same time People don't mind if you only tip them a dime,
Because it's ...... more »
I find it very hard to be fair-minded
About people who go around being air-minded.
I just can't see any fun
In soaring up up up into the sun... more »
The Child Is Father Of The Man, But Not For Quite A While
So Thomas Edison... more »
The firefly's flame
Is something for which science has no name
I can think of nothing eerier
Than flying around with an unidentified glow on a... more »
There was a young belle of Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes,... more »
I objurgate the centipede,
A bug we do not really need.
At sleepy-time he beats a path
Straight to the bedroom or the bath.... more »
There here are words of radical advice for a young man looking for a job;
Young man, be a snob.
Yes, if you are in search of arguments against starting at the bottom,
Why I've gottem.... more »
In spite of her sniffle
Some girls with a sniffle
Would be weepy and tiffle;... more »
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me, What's he there for?
The only answer I can find
Is, Reproduction of his kind.
If I'm supposed to swallow that,
Winnetka is my habitat.
Isn't it time to carve Hic Jacet
Above that Reproduction racket?