0003 Sleeping Under Stars (2) Poem by Lori Boulard
0003 Sleeping Under Stars (2)
I wanted to look night in the eye,
stare down the constellations
until the coolness brought sleep
and laid me heavy in defeat,
outdone by the sheer volume
of what stretched above.
For those hours I felt
somehow rebellious,
distanced from my mother
by more than sliding glass.
Eventually she would come out
and slowly lead me back in,
her arms folded protectively
over her heart
as if braving a blizzard,
or perhaps simply
maintaining the wall,
her hands pulling me to her
though even then I was
too much for her to hold
Lori...another great poem. Today is my lucky day. I agree with everything Sherrie said, except for the suggestion to change the ending to 'carry.' The word 'hold' seems to suggest the weight of the universe, the stars, referred to in the first stanza, holding the poem together as a whole. You really do have a grasp of the 'pay-off' in your conclusions. John
Lovely second piece, following on beautifully from the first one. A pleasure to read. Love and hugs Ernestine XXX
What woman (or man) couldn't relate to this? It reminds me of my 'Lullabies' (at my blog) -. Now, I'd end it with 'carry' - for me, the last line is too much information and I think the implication would be even more glaringly clear if you ended it with 'carry.' Again...I love the 'feeling' that I get from your masterful words.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/24/2024 3:10:16 PM # 1.0.0.1119
Lori, Change nothing. This is just perfect, as is, where is. I have printed it as protection against the possibility that you might react to the influences that would urge you to deviate from the voice that drives you. Thank you. Don