150th Poem by Elsa Bear

I found something today.
i looked deep inside
and there it was.
a piece of me that was left from before,
before all the shit and tragedy,
all the tears and heartache.
i found myself and i tried to run away.
rather than face that piece, that happiness,
and find it was worthless,
or worse, that it was just waiting to leave,
like happiness had done so many times before.

Fear drove me,
fear i could taste and roll on my tongue,
fear that dripped down my throat,
slipping and sliding,
leaving me cold and confused.
but just as fear sends me screaming,
love brings me back.
and lust.
lust stops me breathing,
leaves me dizzy.
love does so many things.

Love (you) came and knocked me off my feet,
made my chest tight
and my heart ache.
but it wasn't easy,
passionate,
carnal,
emotional,
complicated and painful
but never easy.

I now know that the piece of happiness,
that little nugget of joy and contentment
is you (love) .