33 Scots Poems Of 2017 Poem by Sheena Blackhall

1.The Camel's Nose
I set up a tent in a park.
The meen raise. Ootbye it wis derk
Syne I heard a snocher, a spit an a pyocher
An snotters flew ontae ma sark

In the tent cam a camel's snoot
Syne entered the neck o the brute
Its wyme an its humphs
(Thon big hairy lumps)
Till the camel wis in, I wis oot


2.The Tarland Burn
The Tarland Burn frae auncient times
Is a tributary o the Dee
That rins frae the bonnie hills o Cromar
Frae Abyne, tae the cauld north sea

It defendit the Castle o Coull langsyne
It keepit the parks gey trig
On the Tarland Wey ye can cross it twice
Heugheid an the Otter Brig

Forestry, livestock, hoosin, game
Blichtit thon burn wi waste
Scientist, fermers wirkit hard
Noo the watter rins clear faced

In the winter o ‘15 storm Frank
Gart the Tarland Burn tae swell
An eichty trailer loads o grit
It tuik tae the flood dispel

In bonnier times, aroon the burn
The breem an the bracken growe
Morven an Mortlich, Laidlich
Look doon on this seelie Howe

Puddock an otter, bawd an yowe
Aa live bi the Burnie side
Nettle an pheasant, rowan reid
Chose the burn fur a bield bide.

The Tarlan Burn in the simmer months
Hauds bandies an swippert troot
An ower its heid wud goosers hing
Reid rasps, an sweet muirlan fruit


3.Freedom o the Toun
In oor toun, yer free tae beg
Yer free tae turn yer face awa
Yer free tae drink yersel tae daith
Yer methadone is free anaa

Yer free tae wauk awa frae life
There's foodbanks fin yer pooch is teem
Yer free tae full oot umpteen forms
Tae scrape a livin on a scheme

Yer free tae fecht depression's bite
Alane up in a flechy flat
Yer free tae watch a TV screen
Scarce ony furniture bar that

Yer free tae windae shop ootside
Yer free tae wish, an nae tae get
The air ye breathe is free as weel
Fit's comin ower ye, ma pet?


4.Ode tae a Carrot
Fair faa yer honest crunchy carrot
Iconic as a Pirate's parrot
Nae crystal baa or pack o Tarot
Need tell yer fame
Haud aff frae aipple juice or claret
Ye heid the game

Van Gogh hissel has peintit ye
Ye reduce retinopathy
It's claimed ye boost immunity
Calm wind in horses
Aince taen tae cure insanity
An sain remorses

The puir man's Ginseng, sae we're telt
Yer seeds for contraceptives, selt
In Rajastan ye heal each welt
Clapped on as paste
An aphrodisiac, tae melt
Steel pants wi haste

French Forcin, Scarlet Horn, Oxhairt
Varieties that set apairt
Chantenay, Danvers, Nantes, sae pert
Each frae the tither
Aroon the warld in ilkie pairt
Oor carrot brither

The hero o the veggie patch
Lued bi Caligula, the vratch
Ye loose the bowels wi michty swatch
O orange fibre
Garrin fowk lift the lavvie catch
Frae Tay tae Tiber

Ye boost breist milk an menstrual flow
A homeopathic veg hero
That garrs us tingle, keech, or glow
The kailyaird king
Lang may ye treat baith high an low
Tae carrot zing!


5.Fin the Lion Rampant Veesited the Toun
Fin the Lion Rampant veesited- sic a stramash!
The toun pit on freepotties o haggis an neeps
Panfus o Cullen skink an cock a leekie

Heid bummers didnae order furreign maet
Lion Rampants dinna like sic fantoosheries

Reid an yalla banners brichtened the streets
An Saltires blue an fite hung frae the windaes

There was a hale clanjamphrey o Tunnock's tea cakes
Vats o fusky an gallons o Irn Bru
A proceesion o capercaillies in ceevic gouns

A unicorn an ane o Landseer's stags
Tuik ower the tribblesome darg o traffic wardens

The Lion wis gien an ashet o salmon steaks
Bagpipes played an dauncers hotched like flechs
An erne heidit the walcomin commattee
The scurries war jyled in the Tolbooth fur the occasioun

The Lion wis interviewed on prime time TV
Bi Andra Neil an Jeremy Paxman baith
He ett them alive tae sattle their hash foraye
His portait wis peinted ootbye the Mither Kirk
Bi Jack Vettriano(weirin a denner jaiket)


6.Glesga
Ootbye the bus station, a skyrie maple leaf
Draps at ma fit like a gift, gowd, broon an yalla,
Its veins raxx oot like ballerinas streetchin

A humungous clock wi twa steel shanks
Rises abune the cassies, a frozen rinner

A strip o girse growes upwirds frae a seat
Lawns growe horizontal here in Glesga

In John Lewis, mannequins staun oorie
Faceless heids like aliens
Martians riggit oot in the latest trend

On Buchanan Street, a dummy in Heilan rigoot
Leans teetle a shop windae
Its khaki face is chippit, its balance is shoogly
Like it's ooto its tree on voddie, buckfaist or smack

A squatter o young fowk sprauchle,
Een like double-glazed windaes
Priggin fur siller frae pensionershis b
In a warld gaen tapsalteerie

At the Gallery o Modern Art
A major exhibition o pornography's
Bin cancelled wi apologies tae the public

The Duke o Wellington turns his back on thon
Weirin his jaunty traffic cone on his bunnet

Haein seen the thoosans killt at Waterloo
A puckle nuddies widnae gee his ginger


7.The Cheenge
Yer ma's comin up tae the cheenge
Granminnie telt me
I wis echt year auld, dumfounert

I luikit at ma fur signs
Fin she hung oot the washin
Wid her oxters sproot green fungi?

Wid she transmogrifee inno a wirm?
A taed? A draigon?

Wid the skweel get a begeck on parent's nicht
Fin a draigon turned up blawin rikk?

Mebbe she'd cheenge tae a puddock in the kirk
Lowp intae the wee collection pyoke

Wid she ett hornygollachs fur brakkfaist
Or flee aff intae the lift like a craggy heron?

Fin her physog grew reid
An swyte brukk oot on her chikks
Like watery plooks, wid she melt aathegither
An lie on the fleer, a puddle?

A mystery aathegither, ayont a bairnie's kennin


8.Wee Senga
Wee Senga a weegie fae Govan
Let her fairy cakes burn in the oven
‘they're broonies' she said, an the fowk war misled
Intae buyin her cakes bi the dizzen


9.Allergies
I stert tae hyperventilate fin fowk are late
An ironin press kick- sterts ma IBS

Fin ma leg is humped bi pets
Thon triggers ma Tourettes

Arran sweaters are itch-begetters
Fowk that that takk the piss
Inflame ma psoriasis

Fin I'm swickit bi sleekit wyles
Ma face brakks oot in byles
I need ma piritin
In games far I dinna win

Fit gaes me the dry boak
Is tae get a pig in a pyoke


10.Hairy Mary
A clippie frae Troon wi a beard
Cried ‘My God, it is jist as I feared
Since I stertit wecht liftin
Ma hair began shiftin
Fraeheid doon tae chin
Noo that's weird!


11.The Snoot
A snoot blew aff a sodjer's face
He gaed tae see the doc
The diagnosis that he got
It wis an unca shock
It's plain tae see, the medic said
I'm sure we're aa agreed
Puir snoot, yer tale's a symptom
That ye've gaen aff yer heid


12.Wincher's Stance: A Statue by John Clinchin Glasgow Bus Station
He'd a broo like Andy Stewart
He'd a Rab C. Nesbitt sark
Wi his bovver buits an jeans on
He wis vrochrt fur navvie wark

Wi her Tam o Shanter bunnet
Wis she jist his Heilan fling?
Wi her frock hauf up her bihoochie
As he clinched her in a swing

She wis aff her feet wi passion
Glesga style: The Wincher's stance
Close as a mat tae lino
Glesga: city o Romance


13. Skinnymalinkie Spider
Skinnymalinkie spider tried tae catch a flee
Fit a begeck the spider got
She'd catched a bumble bee
It tore her bonnie webbing
It bizzed aroon her heid
An skinnymalinkie spider
Endit up on bumble breid


14.Feathers
A hotterel o spurgies stoor dookin
Feathered baas o broon
Wenchin an chirpin, a clanjamfrey o clishmaclavers

Like berries on the byle
Hotchin fur houghmagandie

They hae drapt frae the oxters o clouds
Wee flee-ups, pynty nebbit, on birrin wings
Newsin, sklaikin, fechtin
Argybargyincarnapcious towe-rags
Stappin their beaks wi wirms
Hornygollachs an flechs
An vauntie's ony lass wi a keekin glaiss

Common as pee-the-beds, spurgies
Bit couthie, couthie an braw


15.The Citadel, Aberdeen
The Citadel's fur the saved, the gweed, the godly
The merket cross could turn tae a merrimatanzie
Far life birls roon, a hotterin broth o sowels

The herbour, the coort, the howfs
Skail oot their fowk tae jyne the mirled melee

Seagulls are reined tae a coach load
Aimed at the lift, tae the cloudy mansions o Heiven

Ablow, the damned, the tint
The chauncers, the orrals, the coorse are birsslin in hell

The scunnersome pit o sulphur
Kent bi Hieronymous Bosch
Hauds Auld Nick's forkie-tailed deevilocks

On Setterdays, snod wee quinies
Wi ballet buns an tutus
Lowp like glegs in the Citadel
An volunteers in the café raise siller fur causes
The seagulls wyte fur the deid
Fa've dane least ill
Tae flee in their feathery easy-jet tae Kingdom com

Up frae the crackit cassies
The stank o sulphur whyles wauchts ben the wynds


16. Lizzie's Dother
The howdie hauds a sonsie quine
Baloo baloo ma dearie
The howdie's braid in airm an girth
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

Sae mony bairns she's ruggit oot
Baloo baloo ma dearie
As tunes upon a piper's flute
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

The howdie's humfy-backit kind
Baloo baloo ma dearie
Nae sensual tae a suiter's mind
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

Bit mithers in their agony
Baloo baloo ma dearie
Are gled the howdie's skill tae pree
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

An as she showds the newest quine
Baloo baloo ma dearie
Betimes her een drap tears o brine
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

She's ne'er bin coortit neth the meen
Baloo baloo ma dearie
Ay suppit frae the spinster's speen
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

Tho first tae hear each babby's greet
Baloo baloo ma dearie
Her briests wi milk wir niver weet
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie

She ay maun haun the babby back
Baloo baloo ma dearie
The mither's gains the howdie's lack
Oh ilkie new born's bonnie


17. La Rencontre
Picturs in the peat rikk
Castles in the flame
Viaducts an factories
A warlock's ghaistie hame

Did trowies gaither kinnlin
Tae pit the magic there?
The rikk gaes furlin up the lum
Some like Rapunzel's hair

Granny lat me see them
The dauncers bricht an reid
Bit the magic left the ingle
Fin the auld wife deid


18. Skeleton Faimly
Rick -ma-tick clack the skeletons' banes
A faimly ye can see throw at a glisk
The bairn is wyvin up at the meen
A vratch, a nickum, a scaffold o fite

Nae intimmers tae wye them doon
Nae wyme, nae puddens, nae hairt nae een
Nae need tae keech, cowk, pee or pyocher

The skeleton faimly's pure as Norseman's runes
Makkin their ain percussion
They daunce tae their ain tunes


19. Fish n Chips
In Callander inbye a local chippie
The guff o fish wis pouerfu an strang

I snappit up ma piz an battered haddie
I thocht the fish wis aff….a thochtie wrang

I turnedroon …an fit a stammygaster
A lassie there paps bare's a tinkler's peg
An fit is mair…nae shanks, a fish's tail
A mermaid in a fish shop….fit a fleg!
My body now has passed its shelf life date


20: Some Scots Owersetts

Wang Changling (690-756) : Laistin Trust: Autumn Sang (1)
She takks her besom tae the Empress's gowd haa
Fin it opens at brakk o daysyne she uphauds her roon fan
An wanners aboot fur a whyle
Her luiks are byordnar, bit arena a match
Fur thon o the Winter Craa
Camin frae the Bricht Sun Palace
Its feathers still glimmrin wi royal licht


Chen Ziang: 690-756Sclimmin Youzhou Touer (2)
Luikin ahin, we canna see the fowk o the past
Luikin forrit, we canna see fowk yet tae cam
I think on H eiven an Eirde, braid an aybydan
An lanesome, rived wi sorra, ma tears doonfaa


Wang Jian: 751-830 The Newly Wad Wife (3)
Eftir three days I gaed doon tae the kitchie
Washed ma hair, an cuiked a weel-stocked soup
I didna ken ma mither-in-law's taste in meat
Sae I got ma teenie sister-in-law tae try it first


Zhang Ji: 776-89 An Auld Frien Tint in Tibet (4)
Later in the fecht on the Yuezhi
The men wir aa killt aneth the fortress waas
News atween Tibet an the Han wis cut aff
There wis nae body tae gaither up her aff cast tent
Yer shelt cam back- I kent the remains o yer flag
I'd offer up a sacrifice- bit ye micht still be leevin
I greet, noo, wi sabs that gae tae the edge o the lift


Apollon Maykov: 1821-1897The Hey Hairst (5)
The guff o hey is on the park
As singin ane an aa
The weemen haive the wechty shaives
An spreid them raw bi raw

An thinner, far the hey is dry
Each cheil his forkful haives
Until the cairt is biggit heich
A hoose vrocht ooto shaives

The puir auld shelt fa rugs the cairt
Stauns reeted in the heat
Wi bucklin knees an lugs apairt
He's near asleep, puir breet

Wee Tatterwallops rins awa
An barks wi bravery
An dives an founers in the hey
As in a girssy sea


Becam the Lift (Rumi) (6)
Becam the lift
Takk an aixe tae the waa
Escape
Wauk oot like somebody
O a suddenty, born intae colour


21.Naming the Glen
Ben, I caa thee Skyty
For ye are sliddery tae weety buits

Burn, I caa ye Splootery
For ye lowp abune the rocks, a breengin geiser

Yowe, I caa ye Drappit-Cloud-Wi-Horns
An the gollach that ran alang the kitchie fleer
I name Wee-Scunner-Grue
As I heist ma buit tae squash ye flat's a boord


22.The Anachronism
The cuddy maun hae lued oor street
Auld Farrant, Victorian cassies
Gas lichts an railins, a gentler wyes o leevin
An anachronism, near the hinmaist o his kind
He pued the veggie cart roon ilkie Friday
As a littlin I gaed him a heel o breid tae chaw
His muckle hairy lips, nichered ower yalla teeth

I think he missed the days o equine traffic
Tint in the steer o larries, cars an vans

Fin he keeched oot baas on the road frae his bihoochie
Neebors ran wi pails tae hairst the bounty

I sookit in his hameowernt horsie guff
Straikit his flank keeked inno his midnicht een

Sivinty year an risiin, I'm the anachronism noo
Bumbazed in a warld that cheenges ilkie day


23. Impermanence (3)
Ma uncle's ferm hoose wis aye weel set up
A muckle lowe aye roastin on the hairth
The windaes owerluikit kail yaird, flooers an parks
Even the family tyke wis braid in girth

His mairrage wis as ticht's a wattle fence
Twa bodies wuvven close as knittit oo
Ben ilkie sizzen, addin tae their nest
Twis clean's a preen, nae pikk o dubs or styew

The pine doors scrapit back tae nat'ral wid
The cairpets saft eneuch tae droon yer feet
The kitchie stapped wi plenishin an gear
Wi pots an ashets, jams o berries sweet

Until the roup, this hame o mony years
Wis guttit like a fish, left lanely, teem
Lowse sclates lat in the snaa, the frost, the rain
An spylin aa the wirk the pair hid daen

It bedd a wrack fur 20 years an mair
Anither couple tuik the hoose in haun
‘A money pit.' The incomers declared
‘The best o it's the view ootower the lan.'


24.On Yielding
Ower auld tae fecht
Ower auld tae flee
Better tae yield
An lat things be

The sonsie aik that disnae bend
Storm-strukk, is sindered at the end
Bit soople birk boos easy ower
Survives the coosest storm's cloor


25. The Rowan
Ma forefowk war haley….langsyne, tae humankind
I keepit awa the onchauncy, the oorie, the fey
I brocht luck tae the new-born's cradle

In backyaird, brae or burnside
I'm a bield fur spurgies an merles
A chaumer fur mavis an yeitie

Widlan craiturs coorie intae ma sides
Cushle-mushlin saftly thegither
The deer, the bawd, the brock

Wee bairns sclimm in ma branches
I'm their playgrun
Their laidder tae the lift

In the glamourie o gloaming
The humfybackit hurcheon pammers by me
Mochs an hornygollachs leave their hidey-holes

At dayybrakk I lippen tae the blethers o birdies
The clishmaclavers o cheepers is pleisunt tae me
Even the lang langamachie o the whaup

Ma kinrikk is wee, bit blink-bonnie
In ma bairnhood ma jynts wir soople, swack an lythe

As I growe, I raxx ma airms tae the lift
Tae touch the meen, the starnies an the mirk

In spring I brier wi blossom, bridal fite
Late simmer, ma crammosie berries are bricht rubies

By autmn ane bi ane ma leaves doondrap
Ma weird is a birlin wheel o birth an daith

See me throw the haar: Am I nae oorie?
I am the speeirt tree o the Celts LangSyne


26. A Buddhist Retreat Song (tune McGinty's Meal & Ale)
Noo this is nae a sang o love nur yet a sang o honey
Faith it's naethin verra peetifu, it's naethin verra funny
It's aa aboot a wikk's retreat twis held at dhanakosa
Fin a pucklet buddhstveggie fowk gaed for tranquiity

An there's nae a pikk o beaf steak, mince or haggis puddens,
Na, nor bacon, lamb shanks ither meaty gubbins
Nor jeeled eels nor sausages nor liver fried in ingins
Fur its anely veggies ye can eat tae find tranquillity

An some pit on their hikin buits an skyty braes sune felled them
An ithers wyved their hauns aboot like midgies hid assailed them
Wi aa thon beans an pulses och the farts wir niver eyndin
Drinkin cups o tea an coffee drave them tae the lavat'ry

They wir chantin in the kitchie, they wir screivin in the lobby
They wir blawin bubbles in the air like they wir fu o toddy
They wir rowin ower the fleer pretendin each ane wis a babby
In the dhanakosa shrine room in pursuit o clarity

Tae hae the strength tae split the clouds they suppit up tahini
Parritch, green leaves, an Brussel sproots like ony ither greenie
Syne they faffed ther airms, it luikit like they played a concerteenie
An the yowes stude roon an watched them aa tae see fit neist they'd dae


27. Rubislaw Quarry (2)
I think there's bin a murder at Rubislaw Quarry
I think some puir quine's lyin at the boddom
Weirin a ceement jaiket, heid bashed in
Alang wi a dizzen litters o droned kittlins
An tykes, aa wi a stane tied roon thrair thrapples
An it micht haud infanticides doon there
I think they should drain the quarry like a sink
See aa the trolleys, cars and beds rise up
An some auld granny there, a pauper's beeried
The price o funerals noo, sky heich in cost

Bit ye micht hae anither view entirely
It's mebbe aa sea horses an pink fairies


28.Winter in Buchan
The knowes are lit like smuchterin aisse
The stibble parks haud ghaists o grain
An ikie cloud strung ben the lift
Draps antrin pearls o weety rain

Ilk timmer branch o leafless tree
Is twistit like Medusa's snakes
Blaik hairtit craa flees ower a lum
It spies a corp, devauls an skraichs

For winter dings the weakest doon
The shilpit, hurtit, born ower sune
An ower the derkenin gloamin lan
The greetin-faced Novemmer mune
Luiks doon as Daith stravaigs the grun
Like huntsman wi his deidly gun


29. Schuledays
Fin the lave o the class chantit tables
I turned masel intae a rowan
Wi berries like sheenin crammosie draps o bluid

‘I can see right through you'
Quo the dominie. ‘You're daydreaming again.'

Sums bed in coorse wee hives
Far nummers bizzed like bees
Snorrelled an raivelled like oo the cat hid cleuked

The heidie wis the ringmaister
O the hale clanjamfrey o bairns
Gley-eed, pirn taed, jug luggit
The antrin loon wi a coo's lick
The guff o dried-pee breeks

The heidie crackit his tawse
Ower ony ill-deein hauns
‘I will not tolerate thieving in my school'

At dennertime we booedoor heids fur grace
Mummlit Amen bi rote
The milk wis bottlit, hett, an gey near curdlit

Ootbye I played ma lane
Stootin jacks or scrattin picturs on tarmac

We lined up at the hinnereyn o simmer
Fin wasps flew laigh an nesty roon wir heids
Aathin in us wintit tae skirl an rin
We wir banned frae meevin an inch
A wasp micht crawl roon yer moo in its strippit sark
Yer hairt stoon-stoonin, ready tae pish yersel

Whyles the dominie brukk a nail on the boord
Skreichin like a saw on a roosty nail

I sat at the boddom o the fowerth diveesion
Ma wee fite cheena inkwell wytin tae be fulled
The pen nibs haundit oot, alang wi blotters

Gymn wis anither stramash, in navy knickers
Hurdies stukken thegither wi swyte, wee belly wummlin

The radio poored history intae yer lug, firin yer harns
Wi Mary Queen o Scots, the knell o the aixe
The Bruce at Bannockburn an dowie Glencoe
Glory, misery, waeness, bravery

Wirst o aa wis the day ma intimmers brakk
Bluid ran doon ma shanks.I ran hame skirlin
I wi telt I'd cheenged tae a wumman
Gotten the curse.

Best o aa wis Friday's ‘heidies doon'
The pouer an peace o seelence
Wirdless, sumless, waspless
Hained an healin


30. The Horseman's Wird
Ma gransire ained a ferm, a byre, a stable
He lued his Shires, his secunt faimily
Saxteen hauns heich they stude, his equine bairns

A shelt is guidit bi its sense o smell
It kens its maister bi his human guff
Ma gransire wi ae wird could gar them reist
Could quaeten flichty breets, an kent their wyes
Fin foalin, he lay doon aa night aside them

Whyles, a foalin happened ooto Sizzen
Blin drift dingin doon, last snap o winter
There in the derk, the grun skyty wi bluid
He forkit strae tae bedd the newborn doon
Helpit it sook colostrum frae the mither's pap,
Wyted fur oors in the cauldrife back o midnicht

Cauld chawed his banes, the jeeled win claucht his briest
It wis the kistin o him, thon last foalin
His secunt faimily brocht wae tae his first
Young widdae murnin, three bairns left forehooied.


31. The Worm of Linton
There wis a wirm that lived langsyne
It ett alike baith man an breet
Kept Roxburghshire in constant fear
Richt lang it wis frae tap tae reet

Inbye the hairt o Linton Loch
It bedd - whyles crawled upon lan
Devourin kye, yowes, grumphies, fowk
It flegged the neeborin human clan

The Laird o Lariston strode oot
He gaed tae seek a skeelie smith
Tae makk a spear as sherp's a thorn
Tae kill the nesty breet forthwith

He tuik a flame an kinnlit it
An drave it in, in…the wirm did kill
In its daith thraws it sliddered aff
In agony taeLinton Hill

In Linton kirk, a carvin's fand
O knicht an wirm in mortal fecht
An fowk wauk licht by Linton Hill
Fin bonnie day hauns ower tae nicht


32. Fachan of Glen Etive in Argyll
The Fachan o Glen Etive wis a wee wee wife
A dwarfie wi ae leg, ae ee, a moo could haud a feast
She'd a clump o seety feathers on his teenie weenie heid
An she hidnae ony airms forbye ane stickin frae her breist

The Fachan o Glen Etive, she cudnae find a man
As ugsome an as orra an as cruikit as hersel
The Fachan o Glen Etive, she bocht a cat insteid
It wis blin an it wis dottlit it alane could thole her smell


33. The Wid Faimly
I'm the youngest, I'm a parritch spurtle
Ma auldest's brither's a caber

I've a sister that's a back scratcher
A cousin that's a cheese boord

Ma mither's a cradle
Ma da's a steplaidder

Ma auntie's a paiddle
We'll aa outlive oor ainers.