A Dead Joy Poem by Angela Bontle Ditumiso

After time had hollowed me out
and left me as a huge depression
I would cast a net
To catch better days
But the thing is
I would always come up
With debris from the past

I would aim arrows at joy
I'll hit bull's-eye
But it'd be pain
That splatters on my face

And when you tried
For so long
To make a shot at something
Without success
You end up thinking
You're a failure
And you'll never get
What you want out of life
That's what I thought

That joy was unattainable
and misery was trophy
And no good day deserved me
I watered every day with my tears
Seasoned them with my misery
I lived and I died between each breath
drawn in and each exhale