A Friend, A Mother, A Dream - Poem by Storm Eaglestone
Born in a Storm, the name seemed quite appropriate. A tiny baby given to you. My little hands wrapped around your tender fingers. I gaze up at you. The most beautiful sight I have ever seen. I lay on your chest, I hear the familiar heart beat that had lullabye'd me to sleep for so long. 'I'm home'
Something's wrong. I cry as the pain keeps me awake. I want to be held, cradled in your bosom. I can feel you are irritated, angry.. Mommy I'm sorry. Where are you taking me? I lie sleeping in a home I would one day know is not ours. Days old and I don't know the impact this will have on my life. Oblivious to what lies ahead.
Mommy's coming for lunch. The table is set and I am so happy, I can hardly contain my excitement. We all sit at the table. My eyes sparkle as I watch you eat. Mommy, you are so beautiful, I miss you when you are not around. I miss your voice and how u sing me to sleep. I don't cry as much as I used to, the pain is gone. I'm sure mommy will be taking me home soon.
You head for the door. U give me a hug good-bye, I start to cry as the insecurity sets in. Mommy, don't go.. As you reverse I run after you. Tears streaming down my face. Grand daddy picks me up and says you'll be back soon..
I'm growing up, I'm becoming a young woman. I'm starting to look like you more and more every day. When I look at the dimple in my chin, its painted replica of yours. Our blue eyes were created from the same jar of paint. Wait, we have the same pain in our eyes too. I feel rejected, misplaced, angry, resentful, sad, lost.. Even though they doing all they can to raise me, I would rather have you here, at any cost.
My first date, how do I apply this make-up stuff? What do I wear? How do I approach a situation as a young lady should? I turn to magazines, they far beyond my years. I look to friends for advice.. Their advice not making sense, yet they are the only words that comfort and lead me. Music video's, provocative and seductive.. This must surely be how a lady should act?
I begin my journey into young adulthood armed with photo role models, books, magazines, peers and a hope that what I know is enough.. Mom, its not the same without you...
I'm calling my own bluff.
Mom, we are so alike, yet worlds apart. A hurricane meets a volcano. I resent you, I am angered, hurt, rejected. I don't understand why this happened. I don't understand how this beautiful, love filled little girl can feel all this ugliness, all this bitterness. I need to let it go. I need to forgive it all. I need to open my eyes to you just, being my mom.
I need you.. I love you.
My life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. Do I blame you or do I blame I? I'm waiting for a brand new day, every day. Perhaps with a new day, you may stay... Just maybe.. I hold on and Pray.
Poet's Notes about The Poem
A child's longing for a mother will never go away. The pain of yesterday stays with her as she tries so desperately to hold on to her faith, her hopes and her dreams.
When a child is conceived we should rejoice in the fact that a creation much bigger than ourselves will need us... If that need is not met the creation is destroyed. Know one knows of its destruction but the emploding heart ache is there none the less.
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