A Friend In The Darkness Poem by Tracy Craighead

This foreboding settles in, I'm fearful but I know it well.
Never surprised to see this old friend.
He brings this sinking feeling and a touch of the blues.
A feeling I ran from..but now I run to
And Despite my descent, I feel blessed.
I have so much to be grateful for, so many to love.
Four Children surely sent from Heaven above….

But that stranger in the shadows creeps in to pull me down,
Lately, I go willingly, finding peace in familiarity.
Don't get me wrong, I still fight a well-known enemy…
I am doing everything to crawl out of this hole
but my feet keep slipping down the slope, I can't get a grip
Now my enemy feels more like a friend…

And How do I say, after so many years that I don't know why I am here?
I am more confused with each passing day,
Maybe I feel too much, I can't process a purpose driven pain.
I wish no distress, yet I know many take delight in my sadness.
Satisfaction in Suffering sickens me, reality is so disgusting.

I'm safe when no one can hurt me, but in loving another,
I am open to the cuts and the bruises and the unrelenting
circus of tragedy, yet the love of him and of my babies
continually rescues me from swimming into the deep,
But I'm still blinded and unable to see the raft and a net tossed out to me.

Simply put, I am heartbroken and I am scared,
dreading tomorrow, unknown terror,
yearning for a yesterday, a moment away….
when you were still here.