A Lover's Lament Before God Poem by Christen Kuikoua

Lord
I come to You with a heart that is trying its best to love honestly.
I'm not trying to impress anyone,
I just want to be real
real with myself,
real with You,
and real with the feelings I carry.
I've poured pieces of my heart into this,
hoping they would be seen,
hoping they would be received.
But sometimes it feels like I'm giving love
to a place that isn't ready to hold it.
And that hurts more than I want to admit.
Still, I am here.
Still hopeful.
Still praying.
Still believing that You can guide even the softest parts of me.
So Lord, let me find favor in her eyes.
Teach her heart to see mine with kindness.
Let my efforts mean something to her,
let my presence carry warmth and not be forgotten.
Favor me, O Lord, in her eyes,
but favor me in Your eyes first.
Because without You in the center,
nothing I build will stand.
Come and take the center, My Lord.
Take every part of this feeling
the joy, the fear, the hope, the ache.
Shape it into something healthy,
something holy,
something that looks like Your will.
If she ever looks at me with love,
let her see Your light in me.
Let her see the gentleness You taught me,
the patience You grew in me,
the sincerity You placed in my heart.
If I am here now,
if I feel deeply,
if I love sincerely,
it is because of You.
You are the one who made me this way
sensitive, warm, willing to love fully.
So protect my heart, Lord.
I bruise easily.
I love deeply.
And sometimes I fear I care more than I should.
Help me not to drown in emotions that weren't meant to be mine.
But if this love is part of Your plan,
then guide it.
Grow it.
Let it unfold naturally, gently, beautifully.
And if it is not meant for me,
close the door softly.
Let the lesson come without breaking me more than necessary.
Whatever happens,
I trust you.
My heart is Yours, either way
may all the glory be unto You.
Amen.