A Lucidity Suite Poem by Cunctus Cope

A. In all my dreams

I wake up a half-hour early
Yet I’m still reduced to my bed
Walk in and think you’re waking me up
But I’ve been realigning my head

You put it across that I’m behind the curve
I fell I must discover, then, what I have to serve
Then you claim that my thoughts are running too deep
And you know rejection provokes yearning for sleep

But as I prepare to leave this plane
I see what I’m really thinking…

What I’m sensing is so bizarre
But I feel all-familiar drives
I don’t know what it is saying
Yet I can pinpoint where it derives

There’s recurring themes in all my dreams

B. There’s reoccurring themes

I see myself with a gift that sets me apart
Coupled with the epitomized morality of a hero
And a Mahatma’s untarnished heart

And the people shall hold my name
With a sliver of regard in their fists of contempt
And fearing what may infect their ranks
Good Samaritans will die in attempt
All pure feelings of humanity will reveal after the fact
After all, I made the punctuation
Knowing I’d not stay intact…

I envision my arraignment, I envision my trial
I envision my lynching, stoning, hanging and effigies
Burn like an unneeded file

And my state of mental desolation
Will confine me to youth-like limits of thought
I will stand as you belabor me with whip and word
Over disgust from what I’ve wrought
Realization of our duties of humanity will wash over, alas too late
After the subject’s loss of dignity
From seeing who’s shared his traits…

I sit with father figures whose influence I deny
Malicious and cruel are their deeds of evil
But they claim I’m living a lie

And I will slaughter in coldest blood
Just as they in the historical shows
And I will cry for help as I commit genocide
And carve the lowest lows
Speculations to trigger humanity only come with some diagnosis
But someone good my share it
So love may be the symbiosis…

I ask my mother daily, “Why’d this happen to me? ”
She beats around this bush, as did I
You get what you give with family

And my hyperbolic touch is missing
Increase accessibility by restraint of tone
And though I refrain from elitist rhetoric
I still drive you away on my own

They make their way, those recurring themes in all my dreams

C. That make their way

Can I live for the moment
With awareness of its truth?
Can I join the ranks of children
When hypocrisy can overturn?
Knowing you’re but a youth
But refusing to be uncouth
Can I ever come back
To the barbaric pack?

There’s a definite form it takes, but not one carved in stone
It may be guided by outside hands before it is your own
Contribute as best you can, for you are your own man
You may see it with your eyes, or see it in guise

Run through fields of dandelions
Run through forests of fire
Run through the strobes of life
Run through the funeral pyre
They call your name with cruelty
They call my name, insane
They call your name as protocol
They call my name I vain

Will I follow the beaten path? Will I walk on the grass?
If I escape the wrath, will all still pass?
Will I be allowed to live? Privileged to die? Forced to laugh? Left to cry?
If this silence means you’ve passed me by, can you teach me to shrug and sigh?

See all the life around you
See the drummer boy fall
See him born on hay
See us hang him tall
They search for you in groups
They search for me in vans
They search for you with traps
They search for me with plans

Will I look beyond a fish-eyed lens? Will I look for more than gain?
Can trade sword for pens? Can I confess my pain?
Shall you let me change? Stay in range? Rearrange? Leave me strange
Who here needs to come of age? Who is going to tear up this page?

Hear the panegyric
Hear the catachresis
Hear the synopsis
Hear not the thesis
They spoke of you in tongues
They speak of me with disgust
They will always speak correctly
They always speak what’s just

Did I kill the innocence? Did I taint my world in haste?
Did I make her tense? Did I boast of wealth and taste?
Will I take the bait? Will I be late? Ruin something great? Get on Two Minutes Hate?
I have shamed this world. Mourning banners, be unfurled.

To the thoughts of the day they make their way, those recurring themes in all my dreams

D. To the thoughts of the day

Apologies for disrupting verbal exchange
With that “frenemy” you prearranged
Noble it seems, how you comfort all of them
But it alludes to heavy rotation – forgive that declaration

All of the masks stare at the naked face
One must ask, which is out of place?
If they stare face to face with what they try to depict
Is authenticity faux? Are the genuine tricked?

Don the rubber of belated empathy at best
Ad tandem and hypocrisy still leaves your chest
Whether your pantomime is amicable or not
It provokes inner demons I thought I’d fought

The incompatible outcast?
Or just like the rest?
Should he take a hike?
Or take a Rorschach test?

Here I am with ball and chain – persecution has begun
But is this to hold my cadaver or the smoking gun?
To feel the trigger finger or the warm blood of a peer
To remind their presence lingers of to slay their fear?

Am I the public enemy for not being a menace?
Am I the loser for knowing when to stop?
Am I an idiot if I can’t understand your ways?
Am I a genius if you’re at the honor roll’s top?

Part of the essence of what you advocate when you look at these minorities as all the same is that no difference is a viable reason to hand a group your stigma or shame well what about Mr. Weirdo here? I don’t think I break any laws so how am I such an eccentric? all my quirks, they must be flaws but those of you who acknowledge our Shepherd say we’re all the same inside and that resonates with all my critics so it’s infidelity that I hide? if I can’t comfort myself knowing Christ was taunted for that’s sinful blasphemy am I to look at Saul, Satan, and Cain to conclude just who I will be? how can you sit and shrug when all this formed your morality have I questioned too much?
For salvation, to shut up’s a formality

Where did I fall through the cracks?
Society, God, of promise of love?
Where do you think I belong?
In the open or asylum? Below or above?