A Ride On My Pen Comments

This poem depends heavily on the repeating line 'I rode on my pen.' To me this line doesn't have the poetic strength necessary to carry the poem. To my ear a line used in this manner needs to have intentional ambiguity so that each hearing of the line makes the reader look at the words slightly differently. Then the poem would have movement rather than simply a collection of interesting images.

Nice subject, the end felt as if you wanted to end it and get everything crammed in quick. Otherwise it is really nicely done. Love Ernestine XXX

I think your rythm needs a little work but nice poem Gyp's