Abandoned Poem by Brian Hairbottle

Silence, again just the silence
what is there to do.? I can only wince,
dying, dying and withering away,
Lost, lonely, empty, emotionless evert day
there is nothing to look forward to.
no joy, happiness, peace, excitement, only rue
the day I was born. I should have died then
no one would know me, i would exist only by pen
a name on a piece of paper to be put.

Will I ever know the real true love of a woman so fine
a lady, a real true love divine and incredible, that I can say is mine.
Abandoned and left alone on 13 th May,
no matter how much I cry to God and pray
there is nothing but emptiness and sorrow.
I will not know joy and happiness love care today or tomorrow
I don, t even know anymore what to do or think
being on the precipice and close to the brink
will I survive, will I live, will I be able to give
all the love, the absolute pure love and care within me before I die,
or will my body fail me before I can fly
and be with her, the only person who has ever meant anything to me in every way
but who I cannot even ask 'how was your day? '

Maybe I will, maybe I will not..
I merely exist and go day to day night to night, doing what I have to and trusting God,
Faith and believing that somewhere,
sometime I will know, and if not then I will just withdraw into myself more..
I am not good company, my mind is in tangles, not sure of anything, just alone and only myself to care for..
I sit here in my small room, day and night,
There is no more that is to me right
I can fight all I want, but there is only silence
hearing my own breathing and heart beat twice
but for how much longer, does it matter? ?

I live now in my little world in a room,
do not bother anyone, just on my own..
go to work and come back.., always feeling down just here in body,
mind, heart and soul are no longer,
soul is there and waiting for God to do what He will..
if I do not wake up again, no loss.. if I do, another day to get through..
i work tomorrow night, so I will be away,
and whatever comes or happens, just another day
towards the next pay cheque, that is the way.

Almost three months have passed since she turned and left
shattering my world again, for the third time
I cannot see reason or rhyme
for the sudden change of heart and mind
Am I blind, that I cannot think, see or find
a true reason for this that is happening once again
true love and soul mates stick together through thick and thin,
is this not how it is supposed to be, always stand strong side by side
support, comfort, encourage each other no matter the ride
In a time of need and persecution, is that not when it is time to stick close
whoever is the receiving one is never alone but have two to face the foes
so why am I left alone, to struggle and go blindly along this path
that has and was not of my making or choice, facing the wrath,
of what alone, my true love, so she said, has abandoned me, I am unable to grasp.

Praying daily, day and night,
asking what is wrong or right
I don't know any more, I cry and cry and plead
GOD give me a sign or lead,
something, anything, have you abandoned me too
God what have I done to deserve this, is this true,
that I am forever to be shown good and pleasure
then have it taken away again and be in pain
why, did I do something so terrible and this is my gain? ?

My heart is shattered in little pieces, not to be mended
my mind is all over the place, everything open ended,
no closure, no release, no peace, only turmoil
nothing goes right, thoughts random and spoil
what is my soul to do, barren, vacant
the only ever once in a lifetime occupant
rejecting it, not seemingly to put deed and word
together and keep the connecting chord
Between her soul and mine intact and strong
giving in to false induced fear, from the wrong
and not giving the right to work His miracle.