Always Here, Always Watching Poem by Carlos Gutierrez

Stuck and blinded in the space of a memory,
Running the yet-to-be plays in my head,
Walking into the always number one room,
Laying my eyes on the most obvious of people,
Putting on my puppet show,
Pretending that I'm unaware of gazes.
But savoring the sweetness of the spotlight.

I dance and smile,
I act oblivious towards the most important person in this room,
I smile some more.
My eyes skip his seat,
Automatically.

But my every twitch, is centered on him.

I only imagine,
And that increases the volume of my ridiculous joy.

I talk to my friend,
I think she notices something different in me,
I'm only half paying attention,
To this unecessary and utterly pointless conversation.

I like to think that I'm playing with him,
Maybe even worsening his attraction towards me.

But deep inside,
Where no one has ever seen into,
Not even myself.

Lays the truth that is hidden in my unconcious.

The stabbing and sickening truth,
I understand I'm only playing myself,
And maybe even worse,
He's probably just playing with me.
While I don't even notice....