An Attempt Poem by Ben Partenay

I gave you flowers
I picked the best ones I could find
(even though I had never picked flowers before)
they had ants in them
they were covered in ants.
I know that now, along with
everything else.

I lost myself in the fields
I lost myself in the forest
I lost myself in search
for the perfect rose. You hated
roses, the smell, the look. The fact
that they are love and death.
I know this now. I never gave you
a rose,
but I almost did. I almost
gave you exactly
what you never wanted.

I found you lilies
instead.
They were yellow and orange
and full of ants. I put them in
a vase, an old
whiskey bottle, I filled it
with water.
(we all try to fill
something)
I set it on the table
for you.
I wanted you to love what I had
dragged home with me.

But the water pushed the ants up.
The water rushed them out of the flowers.
I should have washed them.
I should have picked you flowers that
didn't want to eat themselves
and everything else. I
know that
now.

I did my best and now
I'm buying poison, placing it
beneath the counter, next to the
heater and old picture frames.
I'll kill them all
or at least convince them
to kill each other. Then
you'll see what I've brought for you.
The yellow
the orange
the smell of a field I wanted
for you. I tried
my best. You won't see
the trail of
exoskeletons
trailing off into
the corner. I'll wipe them
up, I'll bleach the
floors. You'll be home soon
and I have work
to do.