Annuity Problems Heckle Old Ralph Poem by Donal Mahoney

The phone conversation had been in progress a long time. Mr. Throckmorton had called Ralph Peters to see if he had received the information on the $100,000 annuity Ralph had requested. The annuity would provide income for life for Ralph and his wife. They were getting up in years and needed a safety net. His wife had been badgering him about getting one for years. The problem was the information the company sent was incorrect. It provided information for a single-life annuity for Ralph only and not a two-life for Ralph and his wife. His wife was very upset and had been making life miserable for Ralph. She had been a bird-watcher all her life and Ralph thought she sounded like a crow.

"Yours is the third company that has sent me the wrong information on a single-life annuity when I specifically asked for data on a two-life annuity, " Ralph kept saying in different ways over and over and over again.

Mr. Throckmorton said the problem could be easily remedied if Ralph would simply give him his wife's date of birth so the accurate information could be sent.

"Mistakes happen, Ralph. We can make everything right."

But Ralph would have none of that. He told Mr. Throckmorton he no longer needed a two-life annuity. He said his wife had died of a heart attack a week ago and she was buried yesterday. It was a nice affair, Ralph said. The ladies at church had prepared a nice buffet that everyone enjoyed after returning from the cemetery. The pickled pig's feet, a German dish served after many funerals, were just delicious.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's death, Ralph. Is there anything we can do to help? "

"Well, not for awhile. I'm kind of fond of the widow next door. If she'll marry me I might call you back about an annuity for the two of us. But first I have to get her date of birth. She's a big woman so please don't make a mistake this time."

"We'll do our best as always, Ralph, " Mr. Throckmorton said. "We have been providing annuities for more than 100 years and have many satisfied customers. I hope the lady accepts your proposal. If she does, please give me a call and we'll get that information right out to you. No mistake this time, I promise you.'

"I'll do that, " said Ralph. "But I might want an annuity for myself only. This lady doesn't know anything about annuities. But she's strong enough to push my wheelchair."