Awestruck In Wonder Poem by Christen Kuikoua

I am awestruck in wonder.

For what manner of love is this?
What love is this that stoops toward a sinner,
that reaches for the undeserving,
that takes the blame of the guilty
and places it upon the shoulders of the blameless?

What manner of love is this
that the One who knew no sin
would bear the weight of mine,
that the Holy One would stand in my place,
that mercy would meet me
where justice had every right to condemn me?

I am awestruck in wonder.

I never knew that love could look like this.
I never knew mercy could run so deep.
In my weakness, You did not turn Your face from me.
In my infirmity, You showed me compassion.
When I had nothing to offer but brokenness,
You still called me near.

What manner of love is this?

I have fallen, Lord.
And I have fallen again.
I have promised You I would not return
to the very things that wounded me,
yet I have found myself standing there again.

Still, You looked upon me with mercy.
Still, You called me friend.

Oh, what beauty is this?
What love is this?

That the God to whom I have made promises
would remain faithful when I have not.
That the God whom I have said I would follow
would still reach for me when I wandered.
That Your faithfulness would not depend
upon the perfection of my obedience.

Lord, I am awestruck in wonder.

No book could ever exhaust this mystery.
No tongue could fully explain it.
No mind could measure the depth of it.
Your mercy is deeper than my understanding,
and Your love is greater than my ability to comprehend.

So, Lord, I thank You.

But teach me never to mistake mercy
for permission to remain in sin.

Let Your kindness lead me to repentance.
Let Your patience make me holy.
Let Your love draw me away from sin,
not give me courage to return to it.

May I never hide behind Your name
while secretly making peace with the things
You have called me to surrender.

Deliver me, O Lord,
from the desires that war within me.
Deliver me from every chain
that seeks to pull me from Your hand.
Deliver me from the tyranny of my own flesh.
When temptation hunts me,
be my refuge.
When weakness rises within me,
be my strength.

My sins are not hidden from You.

They pursue me.
They expose me.
They remind me of what I would rather forget.

Yet You already know me.

You see the places I cannot show to others.
You know the battles I fight in silence.
You know the thoughts I wrestle with,
the desires I struggle to surrender,
and the weakness I am ashamed to confess.

And still, You call me.

So help me, Lord.

Teach me to serve You with clean hands
and a sincere heart.
When I am weak, do not let me pretend to be strong.
Let me come before You honestly,
for I know that Your strength
is made perfect in weakness.

Guard the purpose You have placed within me.

Do not allow lust to tarnish what You have entrusted to me.
Do not allow sin to corrupt the calling You have given me.
Do not let my private battles
destroy the public testimony of Your grace.

Keep me.

For I cannot keep myself without You.

And when You raise me,
let me remember who lifted me.

When You open doors,
let me remember who made the way.

When You give me influence,
let me remember the One who gave me breath.

When people celebrate what You have done through me,
let my heart bow before You
and say:

"It was not by my strength.
It was not by my wisdom.
It was not because I was worthy.

The Lord has shown me mercy."

Let me never become so accustomed to grace
that I cease to marvel at it.

Remember me, O Lord,
as one who desires to remain faithful.

Preserve me as a remnant of Your covenant.
Hold me when I cannot hold myself.
Correct me when I wander.
Chasten me when I stray.
Restore me when I fall.

Save me, Lord,
so that one day I will not stand before You
and say,
"You did not rescue me."

Let my life become evidence
that You rescue the broken,
restore the fallen,
strengthen the weak,
and keep those who call upon Your name.

And when You have brought me through,
let me stand with the billions
who have tasted Your mercy
and sing with one voice:

How great is Your mercy!
How deep is Your love!
How wondrous is Your salvation!

We were lost,
but You found us.

We were weak,
but You strengthened us.

We fell,
but You lifted us.

We wandered,
but You called us home.

We deserved judgment,
yet You showed us mercy.

And so we will sing

I am awestruck in wonder.

For what manner of love is this?

What manner of love
has the Lord, our Deliverer,
shown to us?

It is a love too deep for words,
too great for understanding,
too faithful for our failures.

So let my life become a song.

Let my repentance be worship.
Let my obedience be thanksgiving.
Let my weakness become a testimony
of Your strength.

And when I have nothing left to say,
let my heart still whisper:

Lord, You have shown me mercy.

And may I remain forever

Awestruck in wonder.