Nishant Rawlley

Rookie (14 December 1991 / Amritsar)

Behind The Closed Doors - Poem by Nishant Rawlley

behind the closed doors, behind the fallen eyelashes,
i find myself in lows again,
every tremor seems disastrous,
i feel lost,
i thought i had escaped it,
i find myself in the same web.....yet again,
i shouldn't have let myself go,
i shouldn't have fallen this time,
alas..! ! ! ! i did,
why did it all have to happen,
maybe to jerk me that there's still a lot unknown in life,
you haven't seen it all yet,
thats right, i haven't seen it all,
but how badly i wish to get out of here,
to fly free, fly alone.
to taste the platonic elixir,
sans dependence,
sans attachments,
sans expectations,
to.....where there's true pleasure,

but all that seems all too far now,
i feel lonely, i feel helpless,
i am sinking....deeper and yet deeper...,
there's no calm, unrest prevails,
there's no peace, fear prevails,
time moved on,
i was left behind greiving,
there's an aura of pessimism, as if nothing is right,
life never seemed more meaningless,
death more desirable, .......
until now,

i hate myself for giving up my golden principles,
i hate myself for getting emotional,
i hate myself for apologising so badly,
when i wasn't wrong an inch,
what do i get in return?
and a long lasting fear of emotional exposure,
bad deal, beleive me.

yet i want to come out again,
into the free airs, into the infinite skies,
yet i want to fight it again coz...,
somewhere deep down i beleive,
there's a silver lining to my dark horizon,
all i need is strength. the strength of soul,
O mighty cosmos! !
grant me the strength to bear what you put up for me.........

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, December 7, 2010

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