Friday, February 25, 2005

Big Bug Hands

Rating: 4.6
I reach out a
bright, big, bug-eyed hand to the
whose grasp reflects intense, childlike candor
unexpected and similar to my own.
Our interlacing fingers look the same.
Eager for the attention of one another,
we sparkle glitter in our eyes
and wonder
if we’ve succeeded at being fascinating.

[February 24th,2005]
Zoe Nyght
Ernestine Northover 21 October 2005
I'm sure you'll succeed in being fascinating Zoe, this is a nice write. Sincerely Ernestine Northover
0 0 Reply
Zoe Nyght 14 March 2005
You're right. You're definitely right. In fact, that line had always bothered me. I felt like it kind of interrupted the rhythm, and could be said in a better way. Thank you, Paul. Fixed.
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Paul Slinski 14 March 2005
Beautiful metaphor. I would only change one line to improve how it reads and while I don't normally offer replacement words, I will in this case: 'When we interlace our fingers, they look the same.' 'Our interlacing fingers look the same' Try reading it aloud that way - of course, you don't have to accept my opinion either as I am only one reader of many. This one goes to my faves for sure.
0 0 Reply
Laura Cummings 11 March 2005
this one's ace too, keep going babby, your work is on fire!
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Poetry Hound 25 February 2005
You're only 17? Don't stop writing.
0 0 Reply

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