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Bloody Dreams

Rating: 3.5
see her bleeding from the cuts unknown
shes gone to far
shes cut to deep
now she wonders to herself what it'll be like on the other side.
she thinks to herself this is the end
she never wanted to end it by knife
so she picks up the phone
she calls her boyfriend to tell him good bye
he doesnt answer hes to busy getting drunk
she leaves him a message saying that she loved him and that she'd be alright she told him not to worry and that she would see him again another place another way she said her final i love you see said goodbye
as she hung up the phone she began to cry.
she never thought it would end like this.
now she'll make one final cut
this will be the last cut she ever makes again
she digs the blade deep in her skin
she screams out loudly
as the numbness sets in
its taking to long she says to herself
its time to end so she pops some pills
shes almost gone
then the phone rings
its her boyfriend trying to stop her
saying this doesnt have to be the real end.
he didnt want her to go and if she would stay he would never let her go again.
he'd stop everything for her to stay with him
he'd give his life to see her again.
but he was just a little to late.
she was gone before the message was even done.
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COMMENTS
Barbara Terry 18 October 2006
I do agree with Frank, Collen. Everything here is good, but the longer lines need to bifurcated. They are way to long. I also agree with Frank and Shannon that this is a very good piece, and even gives advice to those that self harm. This poem could be published by any magazine that would be able to send this message to others. Self harming is not a way to relax, and all it takes is one time to cut too deep. Thank you for sharing, Colleen. With love 'n' hugs, Barbara 'If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be.'
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Shannon Green 18 October 2006
wow this poem is really good i love it. shannon
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A SOLID STORYLINE, COLLEEN...INTUIGING TITLE....YOU HAVE A POTPOURI OF GOOD IDEAS, HERE...THEY NEED SOME CULTIVATING, HOWEVER THE LANGUAGE IS GOOD...STRUCTURE NEEDS WORK....THE WORK IS TAKING ON ATWO-FACED LOOK, BETWEEN POEM & PROSE....FREE-STYLE IS FINE, BUT IT NEEDS TO FLOW SO THAT THE READER CAN DIGEST THE FULL VALUE OF YOUR WORK & SO THEY CAN READ THE WORK THE SAME WAY YOU WOULD RECITE IT...IT SOUNDS LIKE I AM BEING OVER CRITICAL, HOWEVER, I SEE CREDIBLE VALUE & POTENTIAL IN YOUR ABILITY TO CREATE & INNOVATE....IF I DIDN'T, I WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT A COMMENT AT ALL, , , KEEP YOUR PEN PUMPING, COLLEEN & GOOD LUCK... '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''FJR
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