Broken Fate Poem by Miiya Skky

I swear she tried... She tried so many times to dry the tears she cried every time a piece of her heart chipped away. She tried over & over again to stop the pain from flowing down her cheeks, to stop them from wetting the pages she wrote on every night. All she ever wanted was to write about the happiness she excitably found within her life, to think happy, to anticipate a happy future.. A future that may or may not await her as time goes by. Yet no matter what, she couldn't stop herself from holding back those tears that seemed to find her at the darkest hour, when no one would be able to hear the torturous pain that runs down, to nestle itself inside the pillow she laid her head down to sleep in at night. It often goes by with a question she'd ask herself? ? ... Is it possible that they can hear me? Can they hear me breaking? Can they hear me losing myself slowly & No longer wanting to be apart of such a cruel world. While being to afraid to fall asleep, the world slept in peace, and as they begin to awake in the morning, she was just finally exhausted enough to drift away with the hurtful thought of waking up alone.. The stories she's been writing have had such sadness to them, but as they became more painful, nothing could have ever compared to how much her heart was breaking right at that very moment, in that time...... In that life...... All she ever wanted was effort. She was simply after the type of treatment she thought she may have deserved. She gave day in & day out her time, her patience, her energy and love to a relationship that felt more like a hallway of eggshells, that if one thing wrong was said ended up being a situational hell. She was trying to be good, good enough for someone who was beginning to be comfortable enough with mishandling her heart. Continuing to tell herself that maybe she will one day be worthy enough to have the love she had lost herself to at the very beginning. The very beginning where she believed magic had finally cased out a spell for the perfect soulmate her heart long ago wished once for. To be everything they needed, and everything they could have imagined their future would be. Back to before the hurtful memories & breaking of her heart. Now when she sleeps the feeling of being utterly alone starts to sink in. Even with the warmth of his body and his beating heart laying next to her, desperately wondering in tears when & why he stopped treating her like she meant something to him. Blaming herself, she would feed it with more and more hope that her efforts & love will change things. To make him look past all that once hurt his heart making him break apart the one that wants nothing more then to love him... A heart that when looking at him sees all the ways his soul was bruised & wishing she could take her hands & sink them into his flesh just to light up lanterns along side his spine so he would know that there's nothing but light when she looks at him.. That when hurt ever found its way to him, she would kneel graciously to kiss his wounds even if they were hidden deep within the soul. Wanting him to know that she would rather have known him for just a single moment then to have never met him at all. To rather have endured the inexplicable pain of outliving him than to never have seen his face, or spoken his name. To rather be his and him to be hers. Regardless of the sorrow, the sleepless nights and the tears. Giving herself the vow that she would forever walk this earth protecting & carrying him within her heart. That she would strive for his happiness till the very end, to appreciate and adore him without restraints, loving him with every ounce of her being. Though this story brings us to now, the morning of her forever broken fate in the last search for a love that ended up becoming the reason why love no longer has a place in her future. Why being alone will be a forever reminder that no matter how much she tried, it was never good enough. In silence even loving herself will fade eventually away as the days go by, & nothing but an emotionless life will follow along side until her ending fate.