Friday, July 13, 2007

Broken Inside Comments

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I sit on the cold porch curled into a little human ball
I try to catch my breath but I can’t seem to find any air
My heart starts to beat faster as my tears began to fall
Now I’m fully aware that this depressing world isn’t fair
...
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Patrick Shields
COMMENTS
Joseph Daly 14 July 2007

Patrick, This is a great use of ryhme. I love the manner in which you avoid the stock-in-trade and use the form as it is supposed to be used. Some may see this as a beginner's approach. Personally I see it as an accomplishesd approach. Where you go from here is entirely up to you. As it is, I love this!

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Patrick Shields

Patrick Shields

Las Vegas
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