Carpark Poem by Michael Mc Dermott

Carpark

Rating: 4.5


In the gravel carpark are seven cars without colour
One is grey, two is dark grey, three is light grey, one is fawn grey
Only in black, and then dark blue- black
But what is this?
A green and yellow van
See, we only have to wait
Three sneaky cats still patrol our carpark in the morning sun
Giving cover, the grey cars parked there are as innocent as nuns
A greedy magpie wants to eat the cautious early worm
Let the young resolve all this with a referendum every morn

POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
morning reflections
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
michael 17 September 2018

hello again Bill, I was trying to make it lopsided to create unease/confusion and then, resolution. Thanks for your comments

0 0 Reply
Bill Wright 17 September 2018

Not too sure about this one. The third line is a bit long compared to the others. If you shortened it by taking out the numbers perhaps just saying grey, dark grey, light grey and fawn grey it would give it a bit more impact.

0 0 Reply
michael 17 September 2018

hi Bill, I was trying to make it lopsided to cause unease/confusion and then resolution. thanks for the comments.

0 0
Jazib Kamalvi 16 September 2018

A good start with a nice poem, Michael Mc. You may like to read my poem, Love And Iust. Thank you.

1 0 Reply
READ THIS POEM IN OTHER LANGUAGES
Close
Error Success