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Marcquiese, tmost effective poems use vivid images to convey their message. You do have a message here, but you employ so many abstract words (change, pleasure, pain, etc.) , I feel nothing. Perhaps immerse yourself in some good contemporary poetry (Mary Oliver, Jack Gilbert) for inspiration and guidance? if you have time, check out my new website: jeffersoncarterverse.com Tell me how you like it. Thanks! Yrs, JC