I'm always miserable
about nothing
I'm overjoyed
about nothing
It's probably because my life
is full of nothing
empty of everything
I'm merely thriving
on mere existence
I'm simply dying
on dire luxury
extravagantly dining
on cheap emotions
every smile, a product sold
ping-ponging myself
from splurge to purge
Just to feel something
even if it's just biochemical
two seconds of temporary bliss
that only leave me staring fixedly
into space, into the nothingness
that awaits me once it's all over
I am only as whole
or rather hole - as my outer shell
for there is not much inside
most days I rise mechanically from bed
like a clockwork automaton
"living" without much thought or reflection
right now that's the only way to be happy
or something close to it
But it's not enough,
because here I go again
from splurge to purge
just to feel something
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
FROM SPLURGE TO PURGE. The speaker of the poem has found a way to survive day to day but it is woefully inadequate, even in a short term, much less the long term. But if this is the only available modus operandi, so be it. That is a very luke warm endorsement, but little else is possible in a situation which the speakers describes so accurately in the first lines: I'M MISERABLE ABOUT NOTHING. I'M OVERJOYED ABOUT NOTHING. This is a nihilist viewpoint. And I am shocked that it is the ONLY positive statement this speaker can make. He or she is at the point Yeats called THE FOUL RAG AND BONE SHOP OF THE HEART WHERE ALL LADDERS BEGIN. S/he has to find one of those ladders and start climbing upward. But I fear this person has become COMFORTABLY NUMB - another nihilist viewpoint - but an effort must be made to free themselves from this false security or comfort. They neeYd an Odysseus to yank them out of the daydream of the Land of the Lotus Eaters - more nihilism - and back on the ship to continue the adventure of life. Yes, it's a ladder or a ship! Those are the metaphors of rescue and new life!