Checkered World Poem by Kye Kurion

Checkered World

Rating: 4.5

It seems to me that the world is in a pattern,
The world is just a sequence of two colors.
The closest people in our lives are never just like us,
If they are father, mothers, sisters, and even our brothers.
Still this world seems perfect to me,
Better than if our differences all stood apart.
In a two sided world we'd all know where we belonged,
But we could never find when the peace would start.
We are surrounded by our differences,
But so are they.
As soon as we accept this as life,
We can all start a new day.

Frank Cannon 13 April 2008

Conceptually excellent. Keep the ideas flowing Kye.

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Tyler Tillett 06 April 2008

I like the name of the poem. Good job :)

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Chris McInnes 05 April 2008

You have to watch out for over explaining the intention of certain line, as in the first two lines - line two complements line one but it is also very redundant. There is also the fourth and third last line: they are so similar that they almost run as a couplete. In other words, if you have the information already then you don't need to break it down further, in this context. It is a technique that ridicules the reader -subtlety is more powerful then one 'sided this-is-this'. Also, the persona starts off with a first person perspective and is commenting on the world. Then, at the end the persona makes a pretentious statement that directs it to the audience. There are stronger ways to spread across a message; one is the use of second person events.

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Coach Roth 05 April 2008

Nice thoughts and a good use of metaphor...well done...Coach

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