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Sean Furlong

Los Angeles, California
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Sean Furlong
Los Angeles, California
Overview Poem Activity
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Thursday, April 7, 2005

Choose Your Own Metaphor

Rating: ★3.0
Come down from your kingdom
just for one day
we'd like you to visit us
we invite you to play
the rules are simple
take the time to learn
their bounds are ample
they're not all too stearn
and soon you'll enjoy it
the freedom exists
to go back if you must
we won't persist
just keep us in mind
'cause it's us you can trust

(4/7/05)
Sean Furlong
freedom trust metaphor time
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I would like to translate this poem
COMMENTS
Sean Furlong 20 May 2005
Alrighty,7th line reworked as well as new line 12; flows a little better, paints more of a picture. Your own picture of course.
0 0 Reply
Sean Furlong 07 April 2005
i will try to rework it especially if anyone else has suggestions
0 0 Reply
Solitary Man 07 April 2005
this one is nearly there. try losing or reworking line 7 because it is that one whereby the piece stumbles. It is, otherwise, a fabulous inversion, 'It's in us you can trust.' I'd like to see this one re-posted.
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