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Choose Your Own Metaphor

Rating: 3.0

Come down from your kingdom
just for one day
we'd like you to visit us
we invite you to play
the rules are simple
take the time to learn
their bounds are ample
they're not all too stearn
and soon you'll enjoy it
the freedom exists

to go back if you must
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Sean Furlong 20 May 2005

Alrighty,7th line reworked as well as new line 12; flows a little better, paints more of a picture. Your own picture of course.

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Sean Furlong 07 April 2005

i will try to rework it especially if anyone else has suggestions

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Solitary Man 07 April 2005

this one is nearly there. try losing or reworking line 7 because it is that one whereby the piece stumbles. It is, otherwise, a fabulous inversion, 'It's in us you can trust.' I'd like to see this one re-posted.

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