Sean Furlong

Rookie - 0 Points (July 14,1982 / Los Angeles, California)

Choose Your Own Metaphor - Poem by Sean Furlong

Come down from your kingdom
just for one day
we'd like you to visit us
we invite you to play
the rules are simple
take the time to learn
their bounds are ample
they're not all too stearn
and soon you'll enjoy it
the freedom exists
to go back if you must
we won't persist
just keep us in mind
'cause it's us you can trust


Comments about Choose Your Own Metaphor by Sean Furlong

  • (5/20/2005 1:10:00 PM)

    Alrighty,7th line reworked as well as new line 12; flows a little better, paints more of a picture. Your own picture of course. (Report)Reply

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  • (4/7/2005 5:25:00 PM)

    i will try to rework it especially if anyone else has suggestions (Report)Reply

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  • (4/7/2005 5:54:00 AM)

    this one is nearly there. try losing or reworking line 7 because it is that one whereby the piece stumbles. It is, otherwise, a fabulous inversion, 'It's in us you can trust.' I'd like to see this one re-posted. (Report)Reply

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Read poems about / on: freedom, trust, metaphor, time

Poem Submitted: Thursday, April 7, 2005

Poem Edited: Friday, May 20, 2005

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