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Tread Water For Her

Rating: 2.5

I've got what you want
you told me to bring it
this box here for you
our ship's cargo
salvaged after wreckage
reminders of a voyage
a trip to Key Largo

What a grand time we'd had
up until that fateful day

the reef hit so suddenly
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Sean Furlong 07 April 2005

thank you both for your comments

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Kelly Allen Vinal 07 April 2005

Seems a bit rushed, but salvageable - great premise

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Solitary Man 07 April 2005

watch for typos (truely) ...I like the Key Largo reference and that line, 'you, with eyes like the ocean'...a simple line, but it works for me. Also, I'm a sucker for free verse and the use of assonance. good job.

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