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City Night Fm

Rating: 4.5

The city’s sprawl enthrals my mind
A cloak or shawl of diamond light,
The jewels flickering, never-ending.

A developer’s mistake, government’s nightmare,
The spawner of the daily commutes
Beeping horn, the daily flare

Is tonight to me a signal, the vast city’s
On my wavelength as I search

For a familiar channel: an ex,
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Ivy Christou 25 May 2007

hey Sean! I liked the poem very much, it flows quite well but I think Martin is right with the verse of 'a developers mistake'.. for me that bit loses some of the magic Apart from that your poem has strong images that lingered with me till the end. Well done! HBH

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Chinga Dera 18 May 2007

First off, the imagery was strong, which I immediately liked about this poem. The second stanza, starting with 'A developer's mistake' seemed out of place when I was reading. I'd recommend either building off of it (since it seems that every other stanza builds up around it, rather than with it) , or removing it all together. Also, the last line 'Like a dream that sparkles but dims when the morning comes.' is a powerful thought. Maybe incorporating it's theme with more strength throughout the piece might serve to make it even more meaningful, moreso than just a singular poignant ending. Anywho, hope that helps.

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Seán O' Muiriosa 18 May 2007

Could people please leave me CRITICAL feedback on this poem, i would very much appreciate it. In terms of form, imagery of theme how i can better this poem. Any thoughts... Thanks, Seán

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