Confused

I am so confused,
when you read this you will be amused,
I don't know what I'm doing,
all I keep hearing is people booing, I'm scared,
please know I cared,
why dose this have to happen to me,
why can't you see,
I'm sick of this,
and I'm sick of taking this risk,
all I want is a better life,
especially before I become a wife,
I just need to strive,
maybe I should just stay alive,
I should be strong,
I don't think that's wrong, I really have to try,
and say I don't want to die,
or go high,
at lest not now,
cause when its time people will bow,
because I stayed strong,
in this horrible world real long,
and people will like that,
and I think that's a fact,
I'm actual seeing whats real,
and people now know what I feel,
I'm glad I'm getting this all out,
so people will know hat I'm all about,
do you think what I am doing is right? ,
I think so,
but do you think its to late? ,
I hope not,
I keep having this one thought,
its what would happen if I was dead,
people who love me would cry in their bed,
and have so many thoughts run through their head,
they would be really sad,
and they would feel really bad,
some of them would think its their fault,
and that all I ever did was sulk,
and that they didn't care,
but if I was gone they would think I wish I was their,
well I will not go,
so now you know,
but I will still feel fairly low,
but I'll stay strong,
at lest you don't have to say I'm gone,
and now I know this is all right,
as I am typing it down tonight.

March 26/ 2006