Darkest Hour Poem by Felix Otiende

DARKEST PHASE.

I remember the words vividly, "we will go through this together"
The words keep on ringing every time my tummy grows
Having a life inside me, a seed growing, God's blessing maturing into a foetus
Each passing day when I look brings a new beginning
Ignored phone calls and text messages have become a norm
I cry myself to sleep each day
I have tried suicide but terribly failed
At times I have even prayed for a miscarriage hoping that the most high will surely understand
I have gone hungry not once or twice
Everything I do is all in vain
You are always in my mind not knowing what has happened to you
Maybe you got arrested
Maybe your sickness worsened
Oh yes I heard that you were sick..very sick
I pray for you everyday for I do not know how I will make it
I still rely on your phrase hoping even in tough times we will still endure
But Alas! How wrong am I
This time I have been toyed, played, humiliated
You come to Siaya.. This night I notice something so different in you, you don't even enter the gate but rather send someone to call me
Everything in you was just a mess, how you spoke and everything.
I would walk distances just to borrow a phone and speak to you but all that was in vain
When I had you were coming I did what I had to, to prepare your fav meal, hoping we would talk at length and clear the air, maybe even have a good time
Haha how wrong was I
How stupid was I
You took me for a fool not knowing you already married
Married? Yes all in the name of sickness
All in the name of "siuliringa kuja tuishi lela"
All in the name of being a "good Samaritan"
All in the name of friendship
The words still strike as fresh like they were "fely hajakuambia alimove on? Eeh Mimi sasa ndio bibi yake, na usipige wala kutext hii simu tena. Ati mtoto? Si aliniambia Huyo mtoto sio wake."
All that time I can imagine you sighing, feeling relieved, smiling and feeling a victor for yes this time umeniweza.
For the first time ever everything fades, my body goes numb, my knees become weaker.
But again I look at my tummy and pray.
Immediately I some strength I manage to convince the doctors to go home.
I arrive in the house, burn everything that has any memory of you, and with some relief I manage to explain the events to mum and dad.
Yes the very people I thought had abandoned me are the only ones I have now.
Family is family... For the first time ever dad speaks in a faint voice assures me that I can always depend on him.
He proved me so wrong for ever choosing you over him.
It was very clear that no matter what family will always come first.
Dad still loved me the same, once again the strength to carry on comes back. And from here Iknew nothing will be easy... If 750 could make you deny the seed of what we were both responsible for,750 made you forget everything we ever shared or have been through then the devil is a liar.
Nothing was true
Nothing was ever real
Everything was in vain
You played your cards very well this time.
(Darkest hour)