C Richard Miles
Demon Cleaner - Poem by C Richard Miles
My wife was such a seasoned queen with all her cleaning,
Meaning dust just wasn't something that you'd find.
But what now just seems so odd is that this once-domestic goddess
Thinks at last her vacuum's packed up, I won't mind.
And the place, (let's face it) 's like a terrible fur-ball
Full of filth this sylph-like creature just ignores
For she angles for a brand new-fangled Dyson
With a price that makes my eyes pop and feel sore.
And she was such a groovy mover with a Hoover:
She swept up deftly, better than the rest
But now she's set her eyes on buying us a Dyson,
Our pleasant nest is now an unimpressive mess!
So we popped out to the shop to view some Hoovers
And we asked for plastic Vax's just for fun
(The cost was steep) . I had a peep at carpet sweepers
But when she eyed the Dyson's price, then she had won!
For when we got it back, the lass so quickly fixed new tactics
Insisting since I had splashed out with all the cash
I would have to learn some lessons to clean up my own worst mess and
If I smoked I'd have to pick up all the ash!
Now I dare not dropp a fag, lest she brings out the magic bag-less
And demands I plug it in and have a whirl
Down the hall and in the kitchen; she's just like the wicked witch in
Pantomime, this flustered duster of a girl.
The hardest thing with this is that my once-submissive missus
Is a tyrant now the Dyson's in our home;
I've never seen a demon meaner, a compulsive keener cleaner
But I wish she'd stop and leave the thing alone.
She won't seem to see some reason that it's not the cleaning season
When I want to watch my programme on TV;
I thought I bought it for her usage, but it's now a blooming nuisance
For the fool that has to use it now, is me!
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