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Rating: 4.5

A grey day
No sun breaks the sky.
The cold slaps at the lungs with each breath drawn.
Ripples of pain shoot through his back,
spreading in the concentric circles
as a pebble is thrown into a pond.
Left to wonder if it's the advancing cancer in
a failing 73 year old body,
or the two-hundred pounds of firewood
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Thursday, January 12, 2017
Topic(s) of this poem: dark,sadness,uncertainty
This a a rewrite of a poem I submitted yesterday but was not all pleased with. I hope this version is better.
Lantz Pierre 12 January 2017
I was so enraptured by this piece, it is such an effective, efficient work of art, that I quickly skimmed through some of your other pieces. I see that your writing appears to be quite autobiographical. So now I am torn. I wanted to comment just on the sheer audacious aesthetic achievement of this piece, but now I also want to extend my hand with warmest wishes for your personal well-being. I am seldom so moved by confessional poems, but this is so exquisitely sculpted, so expressive without being maudlin or self-pitying. It balances on a razor's edge with finesse and skill. Phil, I commend you as a poet. I wish you strength and comfort as a human. And I thank you for service as a warrior. Impressive in all ways.
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P. Mason 12 January 2017
WOW! ! Much thanks for your kind words, much appreciated. And, for sure, pretty confessional....Seamus Heaney once noted that good, poetry comes from pain...obviously I have a lot of flies buzzing around me at the moment...but well, that's life isn't it. I have no real experience with poetry, but I've found as I slog through these events it has given me a pretty good channel to vent. So I'm actually having a good time with it all as I careen road. Again, thanks for your very kind words!
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