My compulsion leaks out of my soul everyday.
Waiting like Pavlov's dog each moment for some little treat to feed my desire.
Simple two word texts are my treats.
Saying little and only suggesting,
...
Are you back?
Seems in a way you are.
I can't see you, I can't touch you,
but you're here
...
ANOTHER DAY
Almost every morning since you vanished into my memories
I hear again from you...
...
Inaugural thoughts
Restlessness and angst swirling around like so much
smoke and dust in the breezes of uncertainty
...
11-2-16
Struggling to retrieve what may well be lost
Each day brings new excitement and new frustrations.
...
Cold, sterile, blank, empty,
why bother with any of this
It has no place to go.
It's a cascading glacial river of loss and sadness
...
Hazy memories of a life and loves that never
Happened.
Days drift silently to night
...
11-14-15
Restlessness and anxiety swarm across my being
Searching, seeking, answers to unasked questions.
...
Shadow
There is a shadow standing at the foot of my bed.
Each morning, as the light seeps in through the cracks in the blinds,
...
You left as quickly as you arrived.
Suddenly.
Between these ends there were notes, we embraced, you came
Close enough to taste, smell, kiss, feel, love.
...
Born, educated, warrior USMC, VN, more education, married, children, work, unmarried, married a second time, another child, unmarried again, more work, grandfather, retired, cancer, move to the forest, live alone, great grandfather, write, kayak, roaming, pondering, fall in love again, drink, writing more, thinking more, waiting for who knows what. Winter is here. So it goes.)
Dulcinea
11-16-16. Dulcinea
I sat with you today
For the first time in six weeks.
You looked wonderful to me,
but I can't believe I'd ever see you in any other light.
That is because of where I am am,
I still don't know where you are.
I probably never will.
We talked, We smiled.
I was completely honest with you.
Is my soul is more deeply burned?
I don't know if your soul is singed, I think it is.
At least that is what I choose to believe.
There is so much more that I want to share with you,
but I doubt there is time,
and I don't want to frighten you.
You seemed a bit tense, much more controlled than me,
but you've been like that since you left.
Seemingly cautious, keeping everything under a stone.
Do you do that for your benefit or mine?
I don't know the answer. I probably never will.
I have much less at stake in whatever 'this' is than you.
I'm also always pushing edges...if you don't push to an edge you'll never know if you've fallen over.
I've fallen over the edge with you....
I'm still tumbling.
I doubt I will ever find the floor.
So much defies sense,
We can't control those we fall in love with....
there are no rules,
there is no chart of new and unexplained emotions,
Certainly true with all our differences.
I'll see you again,
I don't know where or when...
I just know I will.
And I will delight in that.
'I read tea leaves, look at frog entrails, ascertain realities and blow doors open.'
'We are all being washed downstream by life's events, we grab onto whatever piece of debris that is near us in the flood in the hope we can stay afloat. Sometimes that is enough, often it is not'