Little Cat

Despair

Every moment I'm alone
I tear apart myself
and dwell upon the fears
that I harbor.

For no matter how I try,
I can't seem to rely
on that you need me.

I don't see why you'd want me;
this shallow,
needy,
broken girl.

There's nothing redeemable about me.

I just lie to myself and others
in an attempt to become
who I want to be.

And I'm afraid
that you'll realize you don't want me,
and never did.
That I was merely rebound,
and that you were using me
as I used you
until I realized that I loved you.

I'm afraid I'll become
the person who I hate,
and that I'm so much like her
has scared me to the point of breaking.

I never want to be like that,
but I fear that she's what I truly am.
And that when you realize,
you'll flee in disgust.

I'm terrified that I'm too addicted,
making myself too vulnerable.
Yet I can't let go of my trust,
and thus throw myself at you,
without any thought that maybe I'll regret.

I despair that I'll drive you away
by forgetting to talk,
and alienate you with my silence.

I want to dive inside your mind,
but I'm scared of what I'll find.
I've convinced myself that in time
you'll find someone else and forget.

For what could there be to remember?

For even I know
that your heart could change,
and then I'll be only a friend.

Poem Submitted: Friday, September 10, 2010

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Comments about Despair by Little Cat

  • Kevin Carney (9/10/2010 10:42:00 PM)

    This a deep poem, it says so much and is so heartfelt. Your words flow with lightness and yet your thought is so deep. I know the broken girl you talk about and you describe her pefectly. Super write.

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