Desperation... Poem by Betty Jo Hilger

I cry out into darkness, I scream into the night
I race into chaotic fires, and strive with all my might
To rescue all the parts of him writhing in such pain
Confused, distracted, terrified, he desperately lays blame

Upon the shoulders of the strong, for he cannot be weak
Divided soul cannot accept a hand stretched out in peace
I cannot reach that inner place where I know he’s jailed
He buries himself deeper as I fear I’ve failed

How can I live? How can I love? How can I just go on?
When my poor child who’s petrified sits, burning, in the dawn?

I see him here but he’s not there, his shell a raging space
Of, terror, pain, and suicide written on his face
Yet tiny moments part the black to let me see within
His gentle self there, all alone, amidst that hellish din

I wail up to the heavens, yet, know I can’t know why
But please dear Lord, please help me here
I don’t want him to die

**excerpt from 'Living in Chaos Survival: A Parenting Journey...' **Published through LuluPress 2004