Disillusioned Poem by Siana Casram
Disillusioned
Your subtle smile, your eager eyes
Taught me to adore,
But I saw through them in the end
Down to your wretched core.
I don’t despise your sick disguise
But wish than it were real
And that you hollow, heartless shell
Permitted you to feel
The same for me as I for you
Once held beneath my skin.
The fire that raged so strong,
Devoured so long within
Was smothered when I realised
I loved a ghost;
Nothing tangible nor true.
I cannot love a demon’s host,
I cannot be in love with you.
Now don’t pretend to be my friend,
You know I wanted more,
But I saw through you in the end,
I do not love you anymore.
Your subtle smile, your eager eyes.
My hearts demise.
I really like the first half of this, Siana, down to 'Permitted you to feel' - rich, well-metred language leaving no doubt as to the bitterness and disillusionment on the part of the speaker. The rest of the poem, though, I feel needs work with specific regard to the metre, content (from 'Just don't pretend...' to 'I do not need you anymore') and the language (that used in the section that I've just cited) . Whatever you do though (if you are going to make any changes to this poem which is entirely your prerogative, as you know) keep 'I cannot love a demon's host' as well as the last 2 lines. They're strong. Best wishes, Gina.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/26/2024 1:23:00 AM # 1.0.0.1119
I agree with Gina. The meter sort of slips about half way down, but an honest and fine, fine piece of work. I love that line, 'I cannot love a demons host.' Raw, but, nonthelesss, a fine effort.