I Dont Know What Poem by Eddie Zaragoza

im sick of searching for that better place
Ive become blind from these endless circles of black regret
Ive drowned myself in a hole
deeper than the ocean floor
where the pressure is high, the air is thick
my heart turns to stone
surrounded by darkness in an endless night
without a visible moon to keep me grounded to reality
and now im walking down a flight of endless stairs
without a sense of depth perception
i lose my balance and here I am again,
at the bottom of everything
surrounded by a life I dont understand
this human experience, A vivid experience
pain as bright as sunlight
Desires as deep as earth
beauty as clear as the glittering stars
In her eyes..in her soul
I immediately knew who she was at first glance
i wonder if she ever noticed I was looking right through her at that moment
Her eyes were always looking towards the light
i noticed
i tend to look the other way
i isolate myself in a dark corner, where I waste away my mortal days
its easier not to even try
though.... I am aware its wrong
still....there is no reasoning in my hole
just plain acceptance of what is inevitable
waiting to be released, liberated...one day it will come
i know this
When all these earthly memories will be but a reflection of a dream
and I will be in some other higher realm
observing my past lives like a movie
a god watching his little creations
finally infinitely free

But as long as im still here, on this earth
I constantly hunger for more
my desires are endless
there's a voice screaming into my ears, telling me to fulfill my desires while I still can
before its too late
I know exactly what I have to do
And still
im this painfully passive kid who hates the sound of his own voice
such a joke
to know the truth and still be miserable