joshua treece

Rookie (9/4/84 / ohio)

Elizabeth Wallace - Poem by joshua treece

I set here looking around in class
Then she walks in and catches my eye
every time I see her.

Her curly hair so neatly laid
Like it was just right
Never having to do
Anything to it to fix it.

When I see her eyes
I think of the sky
On a sunny clear day
When the sky is so every blue.

When I see her eyes I think of the
Sparkling stars in the night
They shine so bright and full
Of life.

When I hear her voice
It sounds like birds chirping
On a nice day in the middle of spring.

I set here looking around in class
Then she walks in and catches my eye
every time I see her.


Comments about Elizabeth Wallace by joshua treece

  • (3/22/2005 7:24:00 PM)

    Way too cliched. Your imagery is overly predictable and too common. Your form is good, and so is your flow, but the message gets lost in fairy tales. Instead of comparing this woman to the oft used cliches, try and conjure different and vibrantly colored imagery, i.e. Her eyes, such a deep velvety blue, englufing me in a comforting ocean of electric fire.

    Good luck
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Read poems about / on: sky, spring, hair, time, night, star



Poem Submitted: Tuesday, March 22, 2005



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