joshua treece

Rookie (9/4/84 / ohio)

Eyes - Poem by joshua treece

The nights are long and dreamy
They go on and on and I’m not sure
why

The days aren’t long or dreamy
They are cloudy and stress filled
They go so fast and I’m not sure
why

But when I look into your eyes
Everything stops, stops for you

The nights aren’t as long they
Were they are more dreamy when I
Look in to your eyes

The days aren't cloudy and
Not As stressful
The clouds just go away when
I look in to your eyes

Their eyes are the way to someone’s
Heart, life, and their world.
The eyes are the most beautiful
Thing’s in the world and you have the
Best eyes in the world.


Comments about Eyes by joshua treece

  • (3/12/2005 11:41:00 AM)


    It is very simple yes. Yes try not to repeat words if you can. I know it is hard sometimes to use other words. I use a thesaurus when I have trouble find other words to use. I did enjoy the idea behid what you are writing. Keep writing. (Report) Reply

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  • (2/21/2005 11:01:00 AM)


    In your final stanza you use the word ' eyes' 3 times in 5 lines, as well you use the word ' world' 3 times.
    It comes across as laziness on the writer’s behalf because it's really uncreative.
    Please don't take offense, but this piece reads a lot like a Hallmark card, it needs more passion...
    Always,
    Amberlee
    (Report) Reply

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Read poems about / on: beautiful, world, heart, life



Poem Submitted: Sunday, February 13, 2005

Poem Edited: Tuesday, February 22, 2005


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