Everything Burns - Poem by BreOnna Schneck
I am alone,
Alone in a burning world.
Can’t anyone hear my cry?
Won’t someone rescue me from this pain?
On the outside, I smile and laugh.
When people look at me,
They see a gentle loving person.
Some say I’m the sun
That shines in their life when all goes wrong.
If that is true, then why can’t I shed light on my own?
The pain from my childhood is still fresh.
Battle scars fade and heal.
To this day, mine are open wounds,
Infected by the actions of others,
Each ripping the new scab off and letting it bleed.
Many show me kindness.
I have friends that encourage me during hard times.
I am thankful for them.
Family members that help support me through life,
I am thankful for them as well.
They see a growing teenager,
Not the suffering soul of a child.
I walk through the school, wondering if I was gone,
Would anyone miss me?
Did I really make a difference?
In anyone’s life?
If that were so,
Then why do people constantly hurt me?
Can’t they see the burning pain?
No, I won’t let it show.
Behind my smile,
I am burning.
Flames turn my soul to ashes.
All my dreams disappear in smoke as the fire consume my emotions.
Anger reigns over me.
Anger when those who make promises but break them.
Anger when people who pass me by when I beg for help.
The burning pain covers all other thoughts.
Smiling faces of loved ones
Become the twisted grimaces of my assaulters.
Remembering the nights when I was left
More dead than alive only strengthens the fire.
Every fear becomes reality as my hopes crumble,
Tongues of fire liking up the remains,
Leaving nothing to show what had been there before.
I dress in bright colors to hide my fear.
Colors so bright that some may point and laugh.
They don’t know that I am trying to conceal my depression.
Energy drinks loaded with caffeine numb the pain.
I become hyper, forgetting my burning heart and soul.
But when it wears off, the fire feels stronger.
I collapse inwardly, willing the flames to consume everything.
They laugh at me, saying:
“No. Need more…” and then pain worsens.
I just want to scream, to let the pain go.
But I can’t, not without forgetting the memories that refuse to leave me.
Occasionally, the pain is only a bee sting.
That happens only when I am looking through them as someone would a book.
Most times, the pain blazes back to life when something happens.
If someone hits me, calls me a name, swears, or even playfully mock me,
The fire leaps up and takes control.
My pain becomes so unbearable that it slips out and causes me to hurt my family.
When the action is done, I isolate myself from others,
Horrified that I could have done such a thing to someone I loved.
Crying out to God,
I beg him to take me out of my misery.
Instead, he would lay his hand on the flames and they would smother.
He would whisper my name, his voice full of soothing yet powerful love.
The pain gone, my heart heals.
My soul would rise from the ashes like a phoenix reborn.
His peace was a flowing river, caring my pain downstream.
“Rest, my daughter, for I am always with you, ” he would stroke my cheek, a
Loving smile on his glorious face.
If only I could remember that when the flames returned.
I was walking to my locker after school one day.
I didn’t see it coming.
A hand appeared out of nowhere and slapped me across the face.
I stagger back, crying out as the pain on my cheek sparks the fire.
I raise my head and my eyes lock on the hand as it is raised for another blow.
Again, it comes down.
Again, the fire blazes to life.
I scream as the hand continues to feed the fire.
Tears fill my eyes as I fall to the ground.
I roll myself into a ball, sobs shaking my body.
The air rushes from my lungs as a foot slammed into my back.
I couldn’t breathe.
My lungs were choking on the smoke of the flames.
I yelped as my head was snapped backward, due to the hard yank on my hair.
“Leave me alone! ” begging, I gulp as a hand clawed at my front.
“Never, ” he growled, burying his fist in my stomach.
My brain was numb, full of nothing but smoke as his hand kept coming.
The flames leapt with joy as I began coughing up blood.
They cheered when my heart began to decelerate with every passing blow.
Among the flames, my anger rose like a spirit.
It joined the burning pain, chasing all other emotions away.
Love, hope, joy, peace, it all disappears.
Pain, anger, and sorrow is all that’s left.
I will my heart to stop and my lungs to quit.
A little light appears before my closed eyed.
“My daughter, ” God’s voice echoed in my ears.
“Lord, help me.” I gasp, reaching for the light.
It grows as he answers “Awake, dear one. Rise from the darkness, Child of Light.”
The light chases away the flames, my anger on their heels.
Then, it faded.
I was standing, not curling in a ball.
My locker was in front of me instead of the floor.
Feeling my arms and cheek, no pain comes to me.
There was no one in sight, no one to hurt me.
I sigh, sending a silent prayer of thanks to my Father.
He has saved me once again.
The roaring flame recede to a small glowing ember in a dark corner.
I don’t know when it might reawaken, .
Whenever it does, no matter how much everything will burn,
I know I can count on god to help me through it.
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