Existence Poem by Shante Lamping

Middle of the night and my heart screams.

Can you hear the sadness?

Can you hear the wonder?

I toil away
Only
To

Never get a full night's sleep.

To never get a prime seat-

Upon the alter of which
Gradure speaks.

I try my best to fall asleep.

Not to feel the treacherous jaws
Of a cruel world trying to eat me.

Not to feel the itching and pleading
Of the souls I have eaten.

My heart is being squeezed.
My character reprimanded.

For in my life before I....

Was I not aware?
...
Was I not kin to kindness?

The life before this seems to throw me off course.

Or am I on course?
Perfectly placed,
just unsure of the plan.

My heart knows I am good
and decent
if not kind.

I am withered and tethered
and I do snap sometimes.

What is this message?
....
I wish I could see.

What is this energy
pulling me to be?

I feel the tug and I feel like the war.

What was I up to in the life before?

Or is it concurrent,
Like another plane and spiritual angle.

Angle of life.
Angle of love.

Angle of existing.

To love so true is new to me.
Maybe my past life has bruised the universi's faith in me.

Do not leave.
Like everyone else.

Like even myself - on the toughest of days.

I cannot leave myself right now.
Although it comes so natural.

I still feel the squeeze
Only now I embrace

By knowing this life
is perfectly suited for me.

I've got my hands up
Waving goodbye.

That old life
That old love
That old existence

IS GONE.

I fear not
in the end

For,

I shall see.

Just what all this fighting,
was meant to build me up to be.