Fate Poem by Nenia Arnaiz Dulom

I have come from a chaotic past,
Muddled up by adults' false ideas,
A fusion of vague judgment,
Perverted philosophy and beliefs,
Twisted and bent to go well with their tendencies,
Oh door of wrong choices so wide to see.

A turbulent childhood phase, I had
I bet you would not want to experience,
The doom I thought I made,
When I was young and innocent to think,
When playful time should be at best,
Yet instead I struggled to survive and live.

Perhaps insensitivity and apathy had played,
The biggest part in the tragedy I suffered,
Not to blame their lack of schooling
Or proper guidance and counseling,
Love and care are essential than anything,
Whatever period of time, season or generation we are in.

But as I traversed the path I didn't wish,
And looked back at those winding roads like maze,
I realized it wasn't me, who was the first culprit,
Merely a victim of destructive influence,
Akin to manipulative pressure of authorities,
Of those who were powerful enough to change my fate.

Who else but those I looked up to hone my personality,
A kind of character able to face whatever reality,
With unwavering human dignity and integrity,
The respectability and morality expected from anybody,
But I grew up to fail my own destiny,
That is what is now embedded in my mentality,
Oh what an atrocious thing to face daily.

What have come to hope and determination of my youth?
A drive to change my kin's outlook,
The heart and mind that labored together to cope,
With all the adversities and indigence
That almost crushed my bones,
Where have you been all these times of tests and troubles?

I thought I shaped my future and created opportunities,
I was so convinced I got the competence and ingenuity,
Through poverty I knew I earned God's sympathy,
Both from the grit to endure and learn the hard way,
To at least deserve the measly esteem
Of the world's side of corporate community.

A district of sophisticated and aristocratic society,
Rather a playing field of strong and mighty,
Of wise and brainy, or able and witty;
That chance I got so quickly,
I gained friends and neighbors' partiality,
Both fondness and appreciation of my company.

Restricted not to who was near or around me,
I unbounded myself from who and what I was to me,
I even expanded my horizon outside my territory,
I traveled far and wide to where they never thought that I could be,
I grasped all lessons of life through places and people I see,
Though situations and conditions were often times against me.

The destruction brought in my life early on,
Before I could even spell out my own name,
The massive devastation in my adolescent years,
The confusing daily emotions in love and hate matters,
And the mistakes and disillusions in recent years,
All contributed to my ruin, the defeat I feared since.

What to think but to consider myself a loser,
After all the battle I tried to win,
Now what is left but more lessons to learn,
Oh what begets of what I have dreamed of me,
Where are my iron-solid grit and faith shield,
Which I never separated myself?

Have you known where I played wrong in the incident?
Could it be what is called a twist and turn of event?
The fate which no one knows how it comes about in the end,
The unknown future that we sometimes fear to come face to face,
Or is it what you sow is what you reap kind of thing on earth?
Whatever it is, I still stand straight with my head
Of what I have become and what kind of life remain to live.

(Written on October 24,2011)