Flipside Of Sadness Poem by Leah Ayliffe

I always knew it to be true
That sadness is a luxury for those who have the time
To sit in contemplation wondering if they’re happy.
I believe it to be necessary in order to figure things out
But maybe it is too overbearing when the hours waste away.
I knew I needed something here
To keep me grounded while my head swims in the clouds
And I guess I finally have found something
Something to hold me in happiness or strange distraction
Just long enough to make me believe I can survive here in the physical realm.
I don’t know if it’s a man who lights up my life, the fire of my loins,
Like Nabokov wrote about the man in love.
Or the lure of a new purpose ever since important people took an interest in me
My thoughts and future, where I might want to end up, who I may want to be.
I don’t mind much that it could be a con, ‘cause I believe in their pretty stories
In all the beautiful things they think I can do, while making such gorgeous money too.
I’m busy now, driving across cities every day, sipping on hot coffee on the commute
That used to be the core of my worst nightmares.
Caught up in the day to day gig – somehow it became a lovely affair to entertain.
Even though this woman is dressed in heels caught in the routine,
The people which guide her tell her dreams of something more than the same old system others have found themselves in.
This is different. I repeat to myself. This is different.
These people don’t buy into the crap the world tries to sell,
They begged me to take the risk.
Now we’re busy on the flipside, selling dreams to dreamers like us.
I pray that it’s not a lie, a sparkling decoy, though its biding my time in a creative way.
I was so worried with what comes next...
Now nothing seems to be standing in my way.
I went to the edge, and I made the call... I jumped... I let myself fall.
I’ll let you know if I land crashing violently into the sea
Or if I fly like the angel in the sky I know I meant to be.