Sunday, July 13, 2008

Forever, Long Ago Comments

Rating: ★2.0

FOREVER, LONG AGO

Each wishing for the sword that severs all,
their love a Gordian knot that they must sever,
...
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gershon hepner
marriage waking
COMMENTS
Raynette Eitel 13 July 2008

Is there another word than 'severs' which you could use in the first and last lines? The second 'sever' comes so soon as a rhyme and I think it is too many severs. I like the second part better than the first but as a whole these are both fine. Raynette

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gershon hepner

gershon hepner

leipzig
gershon hepner
gershon hepner
leipzig
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