Lonnie Hicks

Freshman - 813 Points (www.lonniehicks.com / Chicago Ill)

Fractured Idioms- Updated Today Wednesday 4/25/12 - Poem by Lonnie Hicks

A fresh pair of eyes
Really yummy with soup.

A lick and a promise
Licking and promising is not necessarily a good idea with a lot
of things.

A little bird told me
If so don't tell people because they will lock you up for talking
to little birds and rightly so..

A lot on my plate
Refers to how people become overweight..

A month of Sundays
Refers to special services in some churches..

A penny for your thoughts
Refers to the approximate value of the advice some people give..

A rising tide lifts all boats
This occurs just before the Tsunami hits.

A rolling stone gathers no moss
Refers to the on-again, off again romance between Mick Jagger and
the model Kate Moss.

A textbook case
Refers to a special case libraries use to prevent textbook theft.

A watched pot never boils
Because most pots are paranoid.

About as useful as a chocolate teapot
So what is wrong with hot chocolate?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
But too much absence will get you suspended from school.

Accident waiting to happen
Describes Presidential Elections

Hair on Fire
A lighted match with certain shampoos will
result in...

Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?
Yes, while frantically searching for a paddle.

All ears

Our President's look face-on.

All eyes on me

The feeling when you are in a police line-up

All hat, no cattle

Refers to Texans.

All of the above

The most commonly used answer when guessing on a multiple
choice test.

All over but the shouting

When a dentist shows you your wisdom tooth.

All over the map

The answer an old GPS program gives you when you ask for
your exact location.

All over the place

The tracks of the town Gossip

Raining cats and dogs
Considered to be much safer than raining

A Blessing In Disguise:
Refers to the practice of some priests of
donning cloaks and dresses as
disguises before blessing the

A Chip On Your Shoulder:
Slipping and falling in a cow pasture will
often result in this event.

A Toss-Up:
Toss-Up refers to the ancient Viking
practice of baby-tossing at festivals. Some
people to this day toss babies even
though it is now illegal.

As High As A Kite:
The world record for having tossed a

Beat A Dead Horse:
Cheating in horse racing.

Answer the call of nature
When wild bears go to the bathroom outside

Ants in one's pants
One of the hazards of making love in the woods

Any port in a storm
Some people drink when the weather turns bad

To upset the applecart
Carts made out of apples are easily upset

To be up in arms
What a six foot woman has to do to kiss a short guy

Armchair critics
Professional critics in the home furnishing field.

Asking for trouble
What you are doing when you try to get your money out of a

At stake
Description of a recently deceased vampire

A rude awakening

When your mother wakes you up at 12 noon telling you you are
late for school also when a pterodactyl does a bird thing on
you while you are sleeping at a campsite

bet on the wrong horse
When you bet on dead horses, see above

Get off my back!
Over-zealous love play

A bad egg
Rude smells in a crowed elevator

Bag of bones
Refers to the Olson Twins

Bang your head against a brick wall
What Rock bands do at concerts

Bar fly
What bars seem to do if you have too much to drink.

Barefaced liar
A indigent liar who can't afford a scarf in winter

Battle of wills
When two sides of the family claim their will is the correct

Bee in your bonnet
'A' in your bonnet didn't sound right

Blood, sweat and fear
The process of paying US taxes each year

Bone of contention
A food fight involved T-Bone steaks

Lick someone's boots
A means of getting promotions is some offices

Get too big for your britches
Sudden weight gain

Born with a silver foot in one's mouth
A deadly disease of the rich

Bottom falls out
The first sign of aging

Breathe down someone's neck
An inept lover on the first date

Pass the buck
Eating venison

Take the bull by the horns
A fatal mistake in bull-fighting

Licking the candle at both ends
Daring lovers

Carrot and Stick
A famous comedy duo

Middle Age
The process of giving up reading after learning about the evils of drink. (Henny Youngman)

Cash in your chips
A social program for farmers in which cow chips can be exchanged for cash

Wouldn't be caught or seen dead
Advocates of cremation

Champ at the bit
Using prize fighters to pull carts

The slowest thing in the universe
The rate at which one reaches for the check in a group in a restaurant.

Change the face of something
Refers to the process of putting on make-up

Change of heart
Also known at the Dick Chaney maneuver

Cheap shot
Prices in a really inexpensive bar

Chew the fat
An anorexic rehabilitation program for the Olsen Twins

Chicken feed
Pay day at Chinese factories

Set eyes on someone
A game of Mr. Potato Head

Bear market
A special market where bears shop for berries fruits and grubs

Been there, done that
The act of reporting out to a group concerning a recent trip to the bathroom

Beeline for
The act of lying to help out a friend

Baptism of fire
Utilized in the Greek orthodox church and involves torches and naked men

Balls to the walls
For men a very uncomfortable position and involves lot of screaming.

Bad taste in your mouth
The culinary after-taste after sampling of 'a fresh pair of eyes'

Babe in the woods
Greek art

Babe in arms
Every high school boy's dream

Loose ends
The first sign of balding in men

dropp of a dime..
What could wake my granny from a deep slumber and she could get that dime before it bounced twice.

Ambulance chaser
If you have too many chasers then you get the free ride in the ambulance.

Butter someone up
Cannibal foreplay

Disaster written all over it
When a octopus shows up at the cow milking contest

Do a double take
If you are two-faced politician this comes easily

Do a disappearing act
When the bill comes at lunch

Doom and Gloom
Twin prophet brothers in Revelations

Drag one's feet
A style of walking popularized by Quasimodo

In dribs and drabs
How allowances are meted out in most households

Drink like a fish
Downing shots in smoky bars so much that the neck is shortened thus giving a fish-like appearance

Dead duck
What happens to a one-legged duck after swimming for hours in a circle

Drive up the wall
The attempt to get at a pesky fly

dropp like flies
A successful fly-hunt with a rolled up newspaper

Get a rise out of somebody
An event which occurs when a person sits on a pin

Give someone a piece of your mind
A rash act usually done by people who really can not spare pieces of their mind.

Give someone the run-around
Modern dating

Give the shirt off one's back
Love play in a hot climate

Give somebody the slip
Love play in a hot climate

Give and take
Love play in a hot climate

Glass ceiling
The upstairs neighbors spying on the people below

Glowing terms
What happens to people in mining towns after drinking the water

Go against the grain
When certain obsessive people insist that the fat end of the rice grain ought to be eaten first.

Go bananas
Not to be confused with going egg-plant

Go down in history
The act of failing World History ten times.

Go hand in hand
Two guys holding hands at the urinal

Go pear-shaped

When the going gets tough..
You get a sharper steak knife

Golden rule
He who rules usually has also stolen the gold

Have goose pimples
A rare disease where ordinary pimples take of the shape of a goose

Grass roots
Refers to the bottom part of the marijuana plant

Let the grass grow under your feet
See above

Grease somebody's palm
A practical joke Pacifica Islanders play upon one another

Keep your nose to the grindstone
Advice given to people with long pointed noses

Grit your teeth
Has to do with the southern love of grits

Groan inwardly
Stomach hunger pains

Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

Face that would stop a clock

Fait accompli
Refers to the contrarian nature of the French and means 'they did it again'

False pretenses

Fast talker
A style of talking among two teens when they hear the key in the lock

Feel the pinch
Subway riding in New York

Think on one's feet
A person who thinks while upright

A figment of one's imagination
Popular mint flavored figs

A finger in every pie
Young boys at weddings

Fishing for compliments
An act associated with innocent questions like 'Do I look fat in this? '

Follow one's nose
The single greatest reason people get lost

Fool's errand
Rushing to deposit your paycheck in a wall street bank

A foot in the door
A maneuver used by aggressive salespeople

A free ride
What young men in big cars offer to unsuspecting young girls on Friday nights on the main drag.

Freudian slip
Little known fact is that Freud occasionally cross-dressed.

Friends in high places
A popular bar in Chicago

Have a frog in one's throat
What happened one day when it was raining cats, dogs and frogs

Full of piss and vinegar
An ancient Viking list of ingredients for pot pie.

One hand washes the other...
(... and together they wash the face.)
A saying used to taunt one-handed people

Have your head in the clouds
The winner in the tallest person in the world contest

Have one's head screwed on
When a face-lift simply isn't enough

Have your back to the wall
What you do if someone threatens to kick your rear-end

Have you gone out of your mind?
Citizen question for all politicians

Have the nerve (to do something)
Citizen request of politicians

Have a stab at something
Really tough flank-steak

Run with the hare and hunt with the hounds
Refers to the crossing breeding of a rabbit and a fox where the rabbit barks.

Bury one's head in the sand
The attempt to hide at the beach when your girl-friend spots you with another woman.

A swelled/swollen head
What happens to one's head when soaked in self-delusion for an extended period of time.

Want someone's head on a platter
The proper way to eat a head

Heard it through the grapevine
Rumors one can hear when creeping in the vineyard late at night listening to each grape one at a time

Heart of stone
Replacement heart surgery for Dick Chaney

A heavy hand
When King Kong picks up Fay Wray

The variety of Jeebies one experiences when watching certain shows on television

(go to) Hell in a handcart
If one is to got to hell it is preferable to go in this slow mode of transportation

Herding cats
Cats trained to herd cows

Hide one's light under a bushel
Teen-ager caught smoking in the barn.

Hide a multitude of sins
Why there are doors on most nightclubs

Hit the ground running
To hit the ground while running is considered extremely difficult

Hit the hay
Extreme anger expressed often as one punches hay in a barn.

Hit the road
A form of road rage involving plummeting asphalt

Hit the sack
What some people do when disappointed in bed

Happy as a flea in a doghouse
When the husband has messed up he is said to be in the doghouse—apparently the fleas follow him there.

I'll be a monkey's uncle
Darwin's Eureka moment

I've got a bone to pick with you
Early caveman dining practice

If the cap fits, wear it
A dental proverb

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
The Annual Homeless Jockey race at Pemlico

If you can't run with the big dogs, you'd better stay on the porch
Advice to Wolfman wanna be's

If you'll pardon my French
Swearing at the French

In a fix
A knife fight behind a Texas bar but having left your knife at home

In a flash
The speed at which boyfriends vanish when marriage and babies are mentioned

In another's shoes
How shoe thieves are ultimately caught

In cahoots
A confusing term because no one knows what a 'cahoot' is.

In dire straits
A maritime location near Malta

Jack Frost
The wife's look when the husband eyes the young girls at the church social

Jane Doe
A popular name given female deer

Jog my memory
When a lover keeps running through your mind

Jump down someone's throat
A very difficult maneuver resulting in severe indigestion

Jump the shark
Challenges sharks make to poor swimmers

Keep someone on their toes
Tall women kissing short guys

Keep your chin up
Cosmetic surgery

Keep your eye on the ball
A detachable eye is useful in some sports

Keep your head
Negotiating with Cannibals

Lame duck
A geeky duck

Land of nod
Corporate board meetings

Landslide victory
A victory in the Avalanche Olympics

Laughing stocks
Characterizations of the value of American stocks in 2008

Make a monkey of someone
World reaction to Darwin's theories

Make ends meet
Night club dancing

Make your hair stand on end
A hair style also called the 'Mohawk' or the 'Mullet'

Make your toes curl
Really good love-making

Half a mind
The intelligence allotment meted out to congress people

Handwriting like chicken scratch
Unfair criticism of chicken's and doctors attempt to learn to write.

Hang by a thread
An outlaw's suggestion as to what kind of rope ought to be used in his hanging.

Hard act to follow
Being next in line after the Octopus has had his turn at the cow milking contest

Hard of hearing
A disease husbands and teens acquire when something is being said they don't like. It is considered incurable.

Hat trick
The act of pulling a hat out of a rabbit

Have a bash
What happens behind Texas bars late at night to innocent bystanders

Have a foot in both camps
Foolish attempt by some people to share their feet in a conflict between two camps

Have a go
English version of the American idiom indicating a need to go to the bathroom

Have a trick up your sleeve
The ability to produce rabbits and hats from one's sleeve

I hereby give notice of my intention
The practice in some societies before a date where males are required to clearly give notice of their intentions before the date is accepted

I may be daft, but I'm not stupid
A confusion stupid people have, not understanding that daft and stupid mean the same thing.

I'll cross that road when I come to it
A common chicken manifesto

I've got your number
When women tell a date after they have pretended to write down a guy's number on a piece of paper

Idle hands are the devil's handiwork
Who knew that Satan knitted hands to pass the time in hell

If you lie down with the Devil, you will wake up in hell
Advice mothers give to girls dating the bad boy in town

In a fog

Summer time in San Francisco

Juggle frogs
Outlawed in 20 states

Jump on the bandwagon

Jungle out there
Two monkeys commiserating

Justice is blind
And the police are searching for who ever did it.

Kangaroo court
Refers to the Australian Open Tennis courts where Kangaroos are allowed to compete

Keep body and soul together
Refers to a romantic relationship where men want the former and women want the latter.

Keep in touch
The goal of every high school male on a date

Keep mum
The decision not to send mother to a nursing home

Keep your fingers crossed
Futile gesture in a high stake power match

Keep your options open
Keeping one's option open is the first step toward trouble

Keep your pants on
A phrase often heard in parked cars late at night

Keep your powder dry
A prime directive for cocaine addicts

Kick the can down the road
A game played primarily by US congress people

Kick up your heels
An expression of joy usually followed by a serious tumble to the ground

Leave well alone
A warning issued by the owner of a desert well or watering hole.

Lend an ear
Gruesome lending practice

Let the cat out of the bag
Refers to the emancipation of felines imprisoned in bags

Let the grass grow round your feet
What happens with very slow moving people


On a roll
How a 'fresh pair of eyes' are best served

On a silver platter
See above for guidance

On fire
What is said when ancient Vikings played a game of toss the Molotov Cocktail

On ice
Where the players above sought refuge after being on fire

On my watch
A obsessive person who believes that demons live on his or her watch generally they are paranoid and believe their watch is watching them

On all fours
How the above folks try to hide.

Packed like sardines
A critique of the packing styles of sardines by other fish

Paper Tiger
A variety of Tiger that eats only paper

Parrot fashion
A fad in 18th century London where Parrots opened plume and feather shops

Pass muster
A cruel ancient Mayan game in which really thin people were thrown down a field and caught by a teammate seeking to score which was called mustering.

Piece of cake
What somebody ought to offer the Olsen twins.

Pigs will fly before
Pig tossing among the ancient Vikings usually resulting in broken bones and bad bacon.

Quick buck
An exceptionally speedy male deer.

Rack and ruin
A popular bar in Chicago

Ragged blue line
A critique of the fashion sense of union soldiers in the Civil War

Rags to riches
A popular notion during World War 11 that one could get rich selling rags

Rain on your parade
What happens to Indian dance lines at the pow-wow right after the rain dance.

Raise Cain
Olympic Weigh lifting involving only guys named Cain

Raise eyebrows
Brow lifts often are part of a face lift and contribute to that look of perpetual surprise.

Rake over old coals
In drought situations citizens sometimes replace their green lawns with ones filled with great lumps of coal.

Rank and file
Refers to the military procedure where ranks of troops are taught to do their own nails.

Rat race
In the past rats were thought to be an entirely separate race.

Rather you than me
What the bosses at CBS news told Dan Rather as they forced his resignation

Raw deal
Refers to the use of rare steaks in card games

Read between the lines
Refers to the mistaken belief that invisible ink is hiding secret messages between written text.

Read from the same page
Guys use this tactic while pretending to be interested in a girl's poetry

Read someone the riot act
This is done when the illiterates are rioting.

Real deal
This is said when dealers at Casino are properly handling cards

Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic
Despite popular notions this was done in a vain attempt to build a raft.

Recharge your batteries
This is what Martians among us do in the dead of night when no one is looking.

Recipe for disaster
This is a recipe with way too much Tabasco sauce.

Red herring
This refers to a rumored communist cell of fish at the local aquarium

Red letter day
Refers to T-shirts Vampires wear after a sucking

Showing a Red flag to a bull
Usually done during the Flags of the World quiz at bull-fights

Red tape
Tape that is used to cover bullet wounds

Rest on your laurels
The Roman practice of sleeping on leaves

Revenge is sweet
Refers to the mistaken notion that bitterness is sweet

Rewrite history
Historians who work for the victors

Rhyme or reason
The choice poets make with every poem

Rib tickler
A person who thinks they are funny who touches you in the ribs on the New York Subway

Ride high
A drunk passenger on a cross country flight

Ride roughshod
Riding a horse who has not had new horseshoes in over three years.

Ride shotgun
The mistaken belief that on the passenger side in cars people are issued shotguns

Safe bet
Bets crooks make about the how easy a bank vault will be to open

Safe pair of hands
In police work this refers to a pair hands in handcuffs

Salt in a wound
Refers to cannibal condiments

Sense blood in the water blood
First sign that you have been bitten by a shark

To be continued

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, April 14, 2012

Poem Edited: Sunday, October 21, 2012

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