Happy Poem by Jessica Gabanyic

People ask me,
What do you want to be?
I guess telling them,
What I truly want to be
Isn't important is out of the question,

In reality I want to be happy,
I want to smile until my cheeks hurt,
I want to laugh and actually feel myself loosen up,
I want to feel my muscles relax for the first time in years,

'But that's not realistic' they'd say,
And all I'd do is stare at them,
Thinking if only they knew,

If only they knew that the pain
I try to hide is visible,
If only they knew that when I think
About my family I cry,
If only they knew the struggle between doing good
Rather doing the bad things,

Maybe if they knew that the battles,
I face are always lost,
They'd understand why I wanted to be happy,

Maybe they'd understand that,
By being happy I wouldn't be struggling,
I wouldn't be forcing myself to smile,
I wouldn't be crying,
Nor would I be falling and forcing myself to get back up,

People ask me,
What do you want to be?
And all I'll say is happy,